Give Me a Reason
by ChestnutBrumby
Summary: "I know, I shouldn't talk to myself. It's juvenile, like talking to your conscience. Shuttup okay, when was the last time you had to deal in a post-apocalyptic world? At least I've found a way that keeps me.. fairly.. sane." Julie's POV during the movie. Companion piece to "Learn to Love Again" but can easily be read separately. Should stand to reason this is movieverse, and R&J.
1. Across the room

_This is a bad idea_, the warning voice in my head informed me. I took a more solid grip on my gun. Before the world got so messed up, my father might have taught me to drive on the freeway and change a tyre. Instead, he had taught me self-defense and how to shoot four different types of guns. Now on the range I was a better shot than he was.

_Shut up. I'm doing this for Perry_.

_Doesn't make it a good idea_.

_Nothing that happens behind these walls is a good idea_.

I stopped arguing with myself, a totally annoying habit I've never been able to stop myself doing. I knew it was a juvenile thing to do, like talking to your conscience, but I was just glad that I'd found a coping mechanism that worked for me, that left me - well, relatively at least - normal.

I fell in between Nora and Perry. The former looked eager, the latter grim and drawn. For the thousandth time I wished that Perry hadn't shut me out after his father was killed. He'd become an entirely different person than the one who'd lain idly in a clearing and watched clouds with me. He was edgier, more suspicious, and he didn't laugh anymore.

I missed him. He was standing right beside me, and I missed him.

'_Hello, and thank you for your service today. As sons and daughters_..." I tuned out the voice of my father from the overhead widescreen. I'd had a lot of practice doing that.

"You think we're getting this stuff for the cure?" I leaned towards Perry to ask. I had my doubts. Dad kept the city going by telling them his team were salvaging, researching and working towards a cure for the plague that had turned the majority of our world into aggressive, animated Corpses - if not worse. Without hope for the people, he couldn't have kept order. But I hadn't seen a lot of evidence of a cure so far. Plenty of guns, and lots of teams strengthening the Wall, lots of destruction.

"Nobody believes in a cure anymore, Jules." Perry's voice was quiet, but harsh. On my other side I felt Nora flinch against my elbow. Perry was wrong - he was just projecting his own grim outlook onto the rest of the city's residents.

"_First, a word of caution. Corpses look human, they are not. They do not think, they do not bleed. Weather they were your mother or your best friend, they are beyond your help. They are uncaring, unfeeling, incapable of remorse_."

He'd recorded that message almost a decade ago. Newly turned Corpses were still frequently running into people who used to know them back then. We'd suffered no end of losses through those who tried to approach their former loved ones. Corpses couldn't recognize anyone from their human life anymore - believe me. I knew.

"Sound like anyone we know, Dad?" I asked the monitor sarcastically. Nora cracked a smile.

"..._therefor you have an obligation to return to us safely_."

_Way to motivate the team, Dad_. I reached out to Perry, trying to take his hand, but he shot me a look and pointed at the screen. My heart fell.

"_Good luck, Godspeed, and God Bless America_." The recorded message finished. Nora bounced in place. "U-S-A, U-S-A." She chanted, and I cracked a smile. At least I still had one ally left. Nora had only volunteered for this salvage mission because I'd asked her, concerned when Perry told me he would be leading it. She was a good friend. She could see the change in Perry, too, and was worried. Worried enough to risk her life like I was, just to watch Perry's back. Neither of us had discussed just how different he was these days, but the unspoken thought was that he might not fight back if he found himself in a life-or-death struggle.

In a loose formation, we all kept our guns up and ready as the gate drew back to let our small, armed group outside. It was a long time since any Dead had been sighed this close to the Wall, having since learned there was no way through. But you could never be too careful. The day you let your guard down might be the day that a pack of Corpses was lying in wait beyond the first rusted-out car.

After several beats of silence we lowered out weapons and stepped beyond the Wall. "Sweet." Murmured Nora. My eye was drawn by a block-lettered message imposed over a graffiti-covered wall.

WELCOME TO THE DEAD ZONE

LOOK ALIVE OUT THERE!

I adjusted the strap of my gun over my shoulder, finding a more comfortable spot, and we left our home behind.

Perry took the lead and brought us to a small private hospital. Pharmaceuticals were the aim of the game today. The streets had been quiet, no sightings of Corpses, and the hospital building itself was imposing if untouched.

"Hey Berg, you gonna help us out or what?" Perry growled down at Berg, who had found some batteries for his portable game and was sitting with his back to a bench, intent on the screen. "No dice, almost at level five."

I was reaching for cabinet I'd pried open when I heard a faint clang from downstairs and I saw Nora stiffen, standing up straight and staring warily at the door. The pharmacy only had once entrance - I wished Perry had agreed to leave somebody on guard outside.

"Did you hear that?"

"I did." I agreed readily, bringing the muzzle of the gun up. I glanced at Perry. "We should bail." I didn't like this hemmed-in room, the faint but still cloying smell of the hospital lingering in the air, and least of all the unexplained noise from downstairs.

"Whoa hey, we can't just bail, we have _orders_." I should have known better than to push a point with robot-Perry. "Do you have any idea how much medicine the city goes through a month? We need pharma-salvage to survive, we can't just abandon our-"

"God, you sound just like my Dad." I complained, stalking by Perry and dropping my still-empty bag on the benchtop, still tense.

"Thank you." Perry was actually serious. Nobody in their right mind ought to have taken that as a compliment and I pointed out as much. "Yeah, waaaaasn't a compliment."

"Oh hey guys, take some Prozac. Maybe that'll cheer you up." Nora, trying to diffuse the situation with her offbeat sense of humour. I caught the box she tossed over and stashed it in my bag.

Then came the unmistakable sound of breaking glass from further down the stairwell. Nora tensed up. "I told you I heard something!"

Even Berg was up now, gun lifted, all of us at the ready. The tension in the room had risen. I pumped my shotgun and trained it, unwavering, on the door. "Per, let's bail!"

He wouldn't let it go. "We have orders." He protested, casting a look at the door, then walking towards it to prove to the rest of us it was safe. "Besides, it was nothing anyway. You're being paranoid, okay?"

At the second he turned to direct the last words at us, a figure loomed on other side of the door's glass panel.

"PERRY!" I screamed at the same time as a Corpse slammed through the door and lunged at him. I saw a flash of red - clothing, something the Corpse was wearing, thankfully, not blood. Too close to line up a shot, Perry thrust his gun at his attacker's chin, sending him crashing to the ground. Zombies filled the room, and snarls filled the air. I dropped to one knee, clinging to my calm, knowing that there were more of them than us, that every shot would count. I had to make them count. I unloaded my shotgun.

Perry sprang onto the closest bench. "Aim for the head!" He screamed, and everybody opened fire as hell unleashed itself inside the room.

Corpses leaped over benches, dragged members of our party to the ground, swung and kicked and kept moving even after being shot. They only reacted like this when they smelled food - frighteningly different to their typical slow-moving pace.

I took cover behind a bench, readied the gun, centered my balance, then scooted back into the open to fire. There was a Corpse crouched over Berg the next row up from me, and I fired and hit her cleanly in the head. As I pumped the next bullet into the chamber I saw the one who'd led them in, the one in red. He was still down after Perry's hit, propped up on one arm - and _staring straight at me_.

It was chilling. I'd never been so close to a Corpse before. For a moment our gazes held. I took in a dozen details, as if he were nothing more than a new human whom I'd never met. He was lanky in a way that made him far less threatening to look at than the rest - _a stupid thought if ever there was one_. Faint scars were the only thing to disrupt the pale of his skin, paler again than the norm under a mop of shaggy black hair going in all directions. And his eyes...

For a fanciful moment I almost thought I saw recognizable emotion in them. Wide, expressive eyes, grey to be sure, all the Dead had that same strange colour. But the way he was looking at me...

_You're going to get yourself killed! Get back behind cover_!

I obeyed the warning in my head, breaking eye contact as I swept back behind my bench. That had been stupid, leaving myself open like that. I must have been affected by being near to the Dead for the first time. But the way the Corpse had stared...

_It was nothing. Maybe you look like somebody he used to know_.

_No, that isn't right. If that were true, it would mean he had memories of being alive. Corpses don't remember their life_.

Most of my ammunition was in my backpack, but I had tucked six shells into my jacket pocket for emergencies. Frantic, I reached for them and withdrew a handful. It was too many, and careless in my haste I dropped two, swearing when they bounced away. I let them go and reloaded with another pair, cursing my own slowness. Bullets fired around me, each shot deafening me for a second. A cart was overturned, bottles clattering over the floor. The Corpses were all snarling, and then I heard Perry's scream.

One of them had him. It was impossible in the melee of sound to pick which direction it had come from and so I frantically moved towards the last bench I'd seen him standing on. I had to fire my way through, then stop and reload again - Berg had fallen and was being fed upon by a trio of Corpses.

I think I knew even as I shot the last of Berg's killers that Perry was already gone - I couldn't hear him anymore. If he was still fighting, he would be yelling.

"Perry?" The aisle was empty.

_He wouldn't just give up_!

_Wouldn't he? Isn't that what you were worried about? Isn't it why you came_?

_No! No_!

"Perry!" It burst out of me at a scream, as I pleaded with myself that it couldn't be true. "Answer me!"

He didn't.

Nora, two rows away, was ambushed by a massive Corpse, who overpowered her, her gun bouncing twice as she lost her grip on it. She was lifted, shaken, and I couldn't let my best friend be killed, even if I hadn't been the one to bring her out here into this danger in the first place.

I leaped sideways, lined up through a shelf that perfectly framed the head of my target, and fired my last shot. I blew out the back of the zombie's skull and he fell limp, dragging Nora to the ground with him.

I had no time to find Perry. Another Corpse was coming for me, but his growl alerted me as he charged. I ran the two steps to meet him, clocking him with my shotgun and spinning him head over heels. There was no time to reach the shells I'd dropped earlier and the shotgun was useless to me now, at least in terms of actual firepower. I grabbed it and swung it as hard as I could into the head of the fallen Corpse at my feet, who groaned shortly - he probably wasn't dead, but I cared only that he didn't try to get back up.

A figure caught my eye - shit! The Corpse with the red jacket was advancing on me, I hadn't even seen where he'd come from. He took three slow, careful steps towards me. I bent down, whipping the knife from my boot and hurling it. It hit him right in the center of his chest - I'd aimed as if he were human! He stared, puzzled, down at the handle sticking out of his flesh, then pulled it free and let it drop. It had to be the stress of the moment, but he actually looked _hurt_.

It struck me then, seeing him preform such a superhuman feat. I had no weapon left. _I couldn't beat him_. The fear set in, unwanted, but unstoppable. He was closing in, only an arm's length or so from me with me backed up against a benchtop.

"J-Juuu-lie." He stuttered.

I imagined that. He did not talk to me. He did not just say my name.

Up close he was intimidating. He was tall, a fountain of red around his mouth... he'd clearly killed and eaten someone.

_Who_?

I sank back against the cabinet. He followed me down, his face hovering right in front of mine. Was he toying with me? His big grey eyes, despite my terror at having him so close, didn't look threatening. He didn't look angry at all. He looked...

Scared?

"Juuuu-lie." He tried again, balancing himself by bracing one hand on the counter, right by my head. I couldn't miss it that time. He'd _spoken_.

He glanced back over his shoulder. There were still bodies littering the floor, from both sides. But one imposingly large Corpse stepped into view, hungrily sniffing the air. A second looked up from a body. The fear kicked back in - strangely, directed more at the hunting, wandering Dead, not the one two inches from my face.

He looked back at me, eyes darting nervously, then he lifted a hand as bloody as his face. I only realized his intention at the last second. My eyes closed as he touched me, my body paralyzed with fear.

His hand was freezing.

I felt a tear escape as I opened my eyes again. He was still right there - leaning even closer, in fact, inhaling my scent. I felt the blood sticking to my face.

"Safe." He murmured, and I could do nothing but huddle in the same spot, staring at him in shock.

Was he trying to... _protect_ me? Behind him, the horde of Dead stopped sniffing the air, looking around for a meal.

"C... co-ome." He plucked at my jacket sleeve. "What..." I whispered, horrified. Come with him? Where?!

He got up, one hand clinging to my sleeve, the other wrapped around my shoulder, pulling me with him.

He plucked up an errant snow-globe that was sitting on the bench and put it in his pocket as he led me towards the others. I passed Nora huddled under a desk and felt a stab of relief somewhere underneath my fear. She was alive, splattered with dark zombie blood, but alive. She stared at me in horror as I was led forward.

Drawn out into the corridor, my mind began to shut down. Trapped in the middle of the group, with the dark-haired Corpse staying at my side, unobtrusively coming in between me and any of the others who meandered too close, I was overcome. I didn't know where I was being taken, or why, and I couldn't begin to understand. The sky overhead darkened, and I barely knew in which direction we were going. We passed broken-down cars, dozens of slow-moving Dead, and I eventually slowed down as I stared at a bunch of them through a window/ They looked like they... lived here? The one in red reached out for my arm. I flinched away, and he cast a nervous glance at the group who had moved a few slow steps ahead of us, before reaching a second time. He pulled me forward, away from the Corpses on the other side of the glass. We had finally approached a building as twilight fell. It was when I was walked through a tall rectangle and a Corpse in a splattered uniform waved a metal-detecting wand at me that I realized - we were in an airport. One populated by _Corpses_.

He stayed just behind me, occasionally nudging me towards a door or down a corridor until we were back outside. The temperature had dropped dramatically, the cold wind blowing my hair across my face. Fallen planes littered the tarmac, but I was guided towards one still standing, with a set of steps leading to the door. Exhausted and stumbling, I was shown up the stairs. I couldn't fight, my body dulled and unresponsive, the events of the day draining out my rationality.

My captor opened the door and waited for me expectantly. It was clear what he wanted. I stepped into the dark interior of the plane warily, almost tripping on my own feet in my exhaustion. My eyes adjusted to the light - the plane was cluttered, but with things, not Corpses. The door clanged closed behind us. There didn't appear to be anyone else here.

Here... a prison. I was being held here. The horror seized me even stronger than before. What did he want with me?!

I was crying softly now, unable to help myself. Looming behind me, the Corpse touched my shoulder clumsily. I flinched back from him and he hastily dropped his hand.

"Home." He explained in a raspy voice. I didn't even comprehend the meaning behind the word. He gestured to the seats beside us. Desperate to get some distance from him, I sank down onto the seats, scrambling to the far side, drew up my knees, and huddled against the window.

He moved away a few paces, and I heard a clunk, then he returned and sat down opposite me. I couldn't drag my eyes away from him, waiting for him to lunge, break the cycle of this dream.

Instead, he combed his hair back with his fingers, looking almost self-conscious. He leaned towards the aisle. "N... not - eat."

When I didn't respond - I couldn't - he pointed in my direction, then at his bared teeth, which he clicked together, shaking his head. I looked away from the bloody mess.

"Keep you s-afe." I looked over at him at this. He wanted to..? He got up to approach me and I heard a whimper escape me as I cringed back.

That hurt expression had returned when he stopped, looking down at me as if he were dissapointed. I sobbed softly, and finally he turned away, walked back to the front of the cabin and opened the door.

I cautiously unfolded myself and leaped at the window. My captor - rescuer? - whatever - walked away from the plane, glancing back over his shoulder once. There were others outside, wandering, aimless.

Succumbing to my helplessness, I fell back into the seat.

I was alone.

* * *

**A/N - Okay, here we go with Julie's version of events during the movie. For those new readers of my fics, this is the companion piece to 'Learn to Love Again'. After spending so many weeks inside R's head writing his half of the story, I'd be really keen to hear how people think I've done with Julie. Every review, no matter how short or long, is fuel for me to write more, and is deeply appreciated :) **


	2. Attempts

_Okay. You might not be able to escape, but you are NOT defenseless. Find a weapon!_

Exhausted, unsure of myself, and scared, I felt more than saw my way around the dark cabin. True night had fallen and apart from the visibility, my other problem was the cold. I shivered, grateful that at least I was out of the wind and the worst of the dropping temperature outside.

There was all sorts of clutter inside the plane, littering every surface of the cabin, as if it had made an emergency landing and every bag had burst open. While I searched, I noticed that some of it could have been from people's luggage, but others things - like a small set of book or DVD shelves and a record player - they had to have come from out in the city. I paused when I saw the snow globe from the lab. Why had he brought it here?

_Stop questioning everything! You've got to get out of here and back home_.

_Shuttup, I'm working on it_!

I was hoping for a knife, but when I stumbled upon the pair of scissors I clutched them protectively instead, picking a seat row several back and on the opposite side of the plane from the door. I wanted plenty of warning. I think I dozed, jerking awake with a fright when my head nodded down, when my body began to relax. I couldn't afford to relax, not when I had to get out of here.

I think it was about an hour before he returned, but I couldn't be sure - I didn't think I'd nodded off for more than a few minutes at a time as I continued to fight my own exhaustion. I heard the hiss and clunk combination of the door opening. I jerked into a crouch, my feet under me ready to spring, clenching the scissors in both hands.

He moved slowly down the aisle towards me. He was a fraction less terrifying this time, which I put down to the fact there was much less blood on his face now, a smudged trickle instead of the waterfall of before.

He stared for a moment, then turned his back and opened an overhead locker.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, my voice a notch higher than usual. "Please... leave me alone." And several degrees shakier.

He came towards me. I couldn't figure out what was in his hands until he shook the blanket out, leaned forward, and covered me with it to my chin.

I couldn't help it - I was amazed. The blanket had been anything but a threatening gesture. I recalled his words from earlier... keep you safe. Had he really meant it? How was he controlling himself? He wasn't making even the slightest of aggressive moves. And - oh crap. He was staring down at me with those big grey eyes, silver in this lack of light, filled with regret and sadness and longing.

What... no. Just no! I _wasn't_ seeing those emotions in his eyes. He was a damned Corpse, for crying out loud! Except... except I was seeing them. He backed away a few steps, then just hovered, giving me plenty of time to take it in.

He was... different.

"Why me?" I had to understand. Why had he taken me? Why not Perry, or Nora? Why did I have to survive like this? "Why did you save me?"

He struggled to speak - it clearly didn't come easy to him. I was amazed he was speaking at _all_. "Don't..." There was a long pause between the next word, and he stumbled over it, swallowed. "C-cry." He managed at length. He held out a hand for the scissors, something vaguely hopeful in his expression. I pulled them back, not quite willing to give them up, even though I was more puzzled than anything by now. He gaze dropped, as if he was disappointed, and he shuffled away from me. I slowly put the scissors on the seat next to me. His attention was back on the overhead lockers, and from one already open he withdrew - a record? I'd seen the player, but he couldn't actually know how to...

My thought trailed off. He'd withdrawn a record, blown gently on it, then placed it on the player. Music, rich, soothing, filled the cabin of the plane. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He sat back on the arm of a chair, looking almost peaceful. "Safe... keep you safe." He repeated, sounding almost as gentle as his treatment of his records, closing his eyes swaying gently to the music. It was impossible to think that it didn't affect him.

"What... are you?" I asked hesitantly. He opened his eyes, looked right at me, confusion and regret. HOW could he show emotion like that?

He didn't answer, maybe he couldn't. He slid backwards over the arm and into the seat, looked over at me - then deliberately pressed the button to recline his seat, while I watched in amazement.

He lay back peacefully, a look of contentment on his face. Despite my earlier fear of him, I found myself submitting to the peacefulness of the music, the warmth of the blanket covering me, and the sheer intensity of the day. My eyes closed, and I slept.

* * *

Light played patterns behind my eyes. It must be morning... only I seemed to be curled up in an uncomfortable chair, propping my head up with my first. Where was I?

I rubbed my eyes then glanced around - it crashed back into me when I spotted the Corpse watching me intently, leaning far out from his seat opposite mine. Oh, right. I couldn't believe I'd actually fallen asleep in his presence. Surely it was only because I'd been on the verge of collapse - and had he just sat there and watched me?

With an annoyed sigh, I pushed the blanket away and shot him a warning look. He sat back in his seat with a murmur of sound, no actual word. I glanced out the window. Clear tarmac, no zombies. No time like the present - I had to get out. Memories of fresh air and open skies and Perry beside me made my throat constrict. I had to focus. I wasn't going to get anywhere as a weeping mess. Maybe this whole thing would turn out to be a nightmare and I'd wake up.

"I'm hungry." I said firmly. He stared warily. "Just let me go!" Anger had replaced last night's helplessness. He gave his head a tiny shake. "Nnnn-ot safe."

"Not safe." I repeated, a little incredulous that he imagined I _was_ safe stuck on a plane here with him. I snorted and sat back in my chair. "Uh-huh. Not safe." I muttered, wrapping my arms around my knees. "Well then you're just going to have to go and get me food." I insisted. "Cause I'm starved." My annoyance was short-lived though, looking into those grey eyes. Jesus, it was hard to stay angry with him, there was something so innocent, almost appealing about those eyes. I sighed. "Please..." I couldn't help but notice the way he sat up straight, astonishment on his face. "I'd be very grateful for some food."

He nodded at that, agreeable at last. "Oo-ooo-kay." I watched him pull himself up, meander halfway down the aisle only to glance back at me. He held up his hand in a 'wait here' motion before he went outside.

I immediately went to the window and watched him lurch away over the tarmac. Aside from him, there appeared to be no motion of other Dead roaming around.

_This is your chance. Time to get out of here. Time to go back, find out what happened to Perry_.

_I can't think about Perry now_!

I couldn't, either, not if I wanted to focus on escaping this infested airport. In my heart I knew what had happened. He wouldn't have let them take me if... if...

_Focus, Julie_.

I ran in the opposite direction, away from the airport building he'd been heading for. No way could I get through there, with it filled with Corpses - I had to find a fence.

I didn't get far. "Shit!" A female Corpse had just wandered out from behind an abandoned luggage cart. I sprinted back to the nearest plane and crouched down behind the landing gear, but when I looked out the female had been joined by several others, converging together from two directions now. "God!"

_Keep your voice down, one of them will hear you!_

Ohshit ohshit, there were over a dozen of them now, heads raised to catch my scent, closing in on me. My mind raced frantically, coming up with exactly nothing. Was I going to die here? Or would they spare me, would I just become one of them? How badly would it hurt when they tore into me? The hand clamping onto my shoulder made me gasp and whirl around, only to find a familiar red jacket - it was a hoody actually, what a stupid thing to notice at a time like this - and a worried pair of grey eyes.

I tried to get my breathing to slow back down to normal as he checked the position of the other Dead, concern still all over his face as he looked back at me. "Don't... run." He warned me quietly, then reached out with his long fingers to leave a trial of blood down my face. He leaned in, sniffing cautiously, nodding once. I looked over my shoulder at the others - they had stopped coming closer, having lost my scent. "C-come. S-Safe." He sounded more confident now as he wrapped his fingers around my wrist. I had prepared myself for the worse - dying, or becoming Dead - and the immense pressure of that imminent fate now broken, lifting away from me, was overwhelming. "Thank you." I breathed, so faintly he might not even have heard. He rose, guiding me up and out from under the plane.

I gasped. There was a _whole crowd walking right for us_! I tensed to run. He leaned down to me, muttering in an attempt at a whisper that fell very short. "Be... dead." He instructed with a lurching walk and a groan. "O...kay?"

_He doesn't seriously want me to _act _my way out of this._

_Do you have a better idea?!_

I held my hands up stiffly and staggered after him, nervously groaning at the nearest zombies. After a few steps my captor ducked his head and muttered. "S'too... much."

_Well that's insulting. Like I've ever had an opportunity to study method zombie acting. _

_Stop being so sensitive. He's trying to save your life here._

That made me pause. He had, too - saved me. A second time now.

_Why? _

_Do you think you could worry about this later, like when you aren't completely surrounded by Corpses? _

I let out the odd growling groan as we slowly made our way out of the crowd. The immediate panic subsided once they were behind us, wandering in circles around a plane, and I huffed out a frustrated sigh.

"Told you... n-ot... s- sa-a-fe." I had expected a harsher reprimand somehow, but he sounded more let down than angry, and the rasp of his struggling voice brought a flash of guilt to the surface. I forced it back down again. I didn't have any reason to be feeling guilty.

"I really am hungry though." I grumbled, and to my relief I was steered towards the main building. Once inside, staying alert for other zombies, I made a beeline for the nearest food court with my strange bodyguard in tow.

"Yes!" rummaging in a dusty cabinet had yielded my reward. Several cans of fruit and vegetables that were only a few months past their use-by date - most varieties are fine to eat at least a year afterwards. There were still ominous shuffling and groaning sounds from close by, so once I'd established two or three were fine I grabbed them, handed several over for my ever-looming companion to carry, then snatched some more myself. He didn't waste any time, casting a worried look over his shoulder and leading me back out to the tarmac, pausing warily at each corner in the building and every bit of cover to his plane. We had to take a roundabout way to avoid the Corpses still milling around. After being stalked and half-starved, the plane was almost a welcome sight, and I quickly bounded up the stairs and into the relative safety inside. Out of the whistling wind it was very quiet, only the sound of uneven zombie footfalls and the clink of tins to be heard. Once I was fed, I'd figure out just how to get back home.

* * *

**A/N - Glad you guys think I'm doing okay with Julie so far, what a relief! It's a huge compliment to hear people think I'm doing at least as well as with R's perspective, I'll endeavor to keep to that standard through this one. Brig, yep, that's why I chose not to have too much Perry-mourning in the last chapter, the shock was a big factor, and in this one she's actively stopping herself from dwelling on him as she tries to find a way out. **

**It's great to see some 'familiar faces' after all your support for my last fic, thank you everyone so much for your feedback. **

**Awesome day for me today, for those of you following my dramas... I finally got my car back! I'm so ecstatic, I'm glad all I had left to do with this fic today was an edit and proof - I don't know I could have written a very tense, scared Julie when I'm in such a good mood! **


	3. Introduction

Nora had occasionally managed to snag us what passed for junk food these days, but I hadn't eaten anything that tasted as good as that fruit in eons. "Mmm. God." I sighed with my mouth full. Manners didn't matter so much since the only other one here was my undead captor. I realized he was staring at me again. I paused midchew, looking up at him - he was fairly tall with me sitting and him standing - and lifted my eyebrows. He creeped me out a bit with that unwavering focus of his, even if he had earned points for saving me instead of killing and eating me out on the runway.

He pulled back, then wandered off to the end of the plane, where I heard a door opening and the clink of bottles. When he shuffled back, he held out an amber liquid I hadn't seen in a long time.

_Oh, that's a good idea. Expired beer_.

_Why not? What's going to happen to it, it got _more_ alcoholic? _

I didn't dare entertain the thought that getting wasted might actually be welcome at this point in time... I was trying desperately not to focus too much on Perry. Unwillingly, my mind would replay the things he'd said to me or the grim, closed-off expressions he'd get sometimes that had made me realize he'd given up. A tiny, bitter part of my mind wondered if it served him right... give up on life, life gives up on you.

I hated myself for thinking that.

My zombie looked so absurdly hopefully holding the bottle out I found myself touched by the gesture. Carefully, I reached out to accept the bottle. What the hell.

_Okay, let's take stock... you're trapped in a zombie-infested airport with a guy you still don't know if you can trust and oh yeah, your boyfriend's dead. Actually this could be the perfect time to have a drink_.

I took a deep breath, lined the cap up, and struck it with my hand to send it flying off. I took a long swallow before I could convince myself not to. It tasted a bit flat, but there was nothing really wrong with it. Instant relief warmed my blood. I leaned my head back to savor the pleasant buzz.

"Oh man. Can't remember the last time I had a beer." There, normal sounding voice, ignoring the darker emotions until I had time to deal with them properly. "Guess you can't be all that bad, Mr Zombie." I dug back into my fruit.

"M... m..my... n-naame..." I turned back to look at him when he began to struggle the word out, but I forgot all about my meal at the second word. He had my complete attention now. _Name_. He had a name? Which was exactly what I thoughtlessly blurted out. He nodded stiffly, eagerness back in his eyes.

"What is your name?" I asked in amazement. He exhaled and closed his eyes, an expression of deep concentration on his face. It was really quite incredible to see happening. The light coming through the nearest window was hitting one side of his face, and I found myself oddly fascinated by the deep grey lines of the veins that traced along his neck.

"Rrrr-rrrr..."

"Rrr?" I asked, giving my head a confused shake. He didn't sound like he was stuck on a word, which happened sometimes. He was still stuttering on the same letter... almost as if he didn't remember...

"Does your name start with R?"

His big grey eyes filled with relief and he nodded again.

"Um... Robert?" I came up with. He murmured a disappointed sound and shook his head no.

"Richard?" Another miss. I searched my memories for any R name that I'd heard of or read "Randy, ah... Rafael... Ricardo?"

He fell against the chair arm he had his back to, expression falling. Hastily I made a suggestion. It was like kicking a puppy seeing him disheartened.

"Why don't I just... call you R?" I offered. His eyes widened as he looked back at me, then his lips twitched, one side pulling up into a little smile.

Smile_ - shit, he's SMILING? _

_In the strictest sense of the word that's not a-_

_Shuttup! _"I mean, that's a start, right?"

"R." He tested it out, and yes, he was definitely smiling. He didn't look anything like a Corpse when he smiled. He looked like a big kid who'd just been handed an extra birthday present to open. How old was he, anyway? He was clean-shaven, but then, Corpses didn't change, so he might have just shaved before he'd been turned. It had to have taken some time to build up his collection in here - but I doubted he could have been Dead for too long. He was still too connected with life, and all his possessions only made me more certain of that. But if he was fairly recently infected, he wasn't from my side of the Wall.

That thought brought a memory of overlapping seams of metal and the people who might be missing me. Had Nora even made it home? I felt awful, realizing I'd been so wrapped up in my situation, in trying not to think too much about Perry, in trying to figure this situation out, I'd barely spared a thought for my best friend. Zany humour and crazy ideas aside, I wished I could fall into Nora's arms and hug her more than anything. She had better be okay.

"I want to go home, R."

He looked worried, and he shook his head - and with more certainty than any time before.

"Nnn... no-ot safe."

"I get that." I hadn't forgotten what happened this morning. "And look... I know that you saved my life." For a second time, but no need to complicate things. "And I am grateful for that. But you walked me into this place, so I _know_ that you can walk me out."

He turned his head slightly, eyes focusing on something distant. What was he seeing with that intent look of his? I watched the motion of his throat as he swallowed, trying to force more words out. "You hhh-ave... to wait." He nodded outside. "They-They'll n-notice." He looked earnest enough. Suspiciously so. "How long?" I tested.

He really struggled to continue speaking. The effort it was taking was apparant. "Ffffff-few days? Tnn...t...tthey'll for-get." I couldn't drag my eyes away from his slow attempt at speech. "You'll... be... o-kaay."

I leaned forward slightly, bracing my elbow on my knee as I studied his features. Now that I'd gotten used to the way his eyes reflected emotion even with their startling grey shade, he didn't look that scary. He looked sort of comfortable, even... compelling.

"Are there others, like you?" This could mean that the Dead were completely different to what my entire city believed. I mean, here I was, sitting here having an actual conversation with a Corpse. Nobody at home would believe this.

His eyebrows twitched, and he lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "I mean I've _never, ever _heard a Corpse talk before. Apart from, you know, the groaning." I found that I was smiling at him.

His eyes tracked, and he grunted softly, searching for an answer, finding none and settling on a shrug.

I breathed in deeply, settling back in my chair while I kept my eyes on him. I had figured out that he was lonely, that wasn't a tough one. He wasn't like the other Corpses - this plane proved that. He wanted company, and it looked like I was it. Yes, that had to be it - he _wanted_ me to stay. So it progressed... was he lying about the other Corpses?

"Kay. A few days, huh?" I confirmed. He nodded, and I had to smile, amused despite myself. I didn't believe him. I didn't think he wanted me here for anything as sinister as I'd first worried about though. I don't even think he _had_ any sort of plan, he was just making it up as he went along. Either way, I would be no safer trying to leave now than a few days time. That would give me a chance to figure out the airport's layout, plan the best way out. And I had to admit that the thought of spending a few days in R's company didn't seem as terrifying as it ought to have.

"Wow, what am I going to do around here for a few days?" It wasn't like he was a fantastic conversationalist, not that I held it against him. Though if he didn't mind me digging through his many assorted knickknacks I bet there was plenty to keep me entertained. I hadn't seen so many books in a long time. There were piles of them everywhere - the floor, the overheads, trolleys that had probably once been used to serve food and beverages.

He gave me a curious, thoughtful look, then he gestured for me to get up. I followed him curiously, wondering where he was leading me. I paused for a moment at the foot of the stairs, looking nervously at the empty airport. No sign of Corpses, but neither had there been when I made a run for it this morning, and that hadn't taken long. I looked over my shoulder, judging the distance I'd have to make it to find the fenceline, then my gaze returned to R's back. It was safer to stay with him... wherever we were going would tie in with my plan to learn the layout of the airport better anyway. I adapted my walk to match R's slower gait. "So where are we going?" I asked as we skirted the main building by a wide margin. R glanced over then made a vague gesture at a low building just ahead of us. "Isn't that a carpark? If this is some weird zombie thing R..." I began, but he shook his head.

"Living... thing." he explained. I raised a brow. He threaded around luggage trolleys and still cars until he reached a dusty red convertible. I didn't get it until he pulled the driver's door open and stood back, looking ay me expectantly.

"You have a _BMW_?!" I exclaimed, forgetting to move slowly as I bounded to his side, then slid into the driver's seat eagerly when I spotted the keys in the ignition. He tried for a little smile then meandered around to the passenger side. "R, this is incredible! Can we go for a drive?"

"Stay... i-in the op-en." R advised, as excitement rose in me. I has occasionally driven one of the hum-vees my father's troops used, but nothing like this. A grin spread across my face. "Put your seatbelt on." I told him happily, turning the key and listening to the engine roar to life. He stared blankly at me, watching as I pulled my belt over my shoulder and clipped it in. He clumsily pulled at his but got stuck with the buckle, and I leaned over to clip his in too. "There ya go. Hang on!" I laughed, and put the convertible into gear. I had to search for the headlights to navigate around the other silent cars. This small car park must have been a staff one, since there were several service vehicle and luggage carts, and it opened right up onto the tarmac. With a cautious glance at the building, I put my foot down and floored the ride out into the afternoon sunshine. A quick turn brought us out onto a runway - safe and clear, with nowhere for hungry zombies to be hiding. A joyous wildness rose within me to see the way the runway stretched out in front of us. R had been right - this was living, all right. I pressed my foot daringly all the way down, and the car raced forward, seemingly as eager as I was. "This is awesome!" I yelled over the wind, grinning over at R. He looked nervous, darting a look over the top of the door at the white and yellow lines flashing by. Maybe he'd never driven this fast before?

Bolder by the minute, I lifted both hands into the air, laughing at the rush of freedom. When I next looked over at R, he was staring at me, and hastily averted his eyes. "You wanna drive?" I offered. Maybe it would help him relax a little if he were behind the wheel. His eyes widened a little. It was weird, but out in the light they almost could have been blue.

It had obviously been a long time since R had driven... if he ever had. The BMW lurched forward and jerked to a stop as he tried to figure the peddles out. I grunted in surprise as my seatbelt caught me. "Oh, God. Oh! Leadfoot." I laughed, holding up one hand. "Okay. Okay, pick a foot. You're using two feet, pick _one_ foot." I instructed. R tried again, and the car rolled forward smoothly, then picked up speed. "There ya go!" I laughed, and he looked over at me. "O-kay. Two hands on the wheel, buddy." I told him.

We drove until we ran out of runway. The sun had begun to sink lower, and even out here in the open, I didn't think it would be a good idea to drive at night. "Come on R, we'd better head back."

R's eyes drooped for a moment. "Had. Fun." He told me, slowing down as he rounded a corner and the garage approached. Was he actually disappointed? I didn't get a chance to dwell on it. R steered the car neatly between two posts, pulled into the parking spot and promptly thunked the car into the next one ahead. "Uh!" My head jerked roughly forwards, throwing my hair over my face. "Jesus, R!" I exclaimed, pushing it back with both hands and looking over at him indignantly. He stared back innocently. "This was a beautiful car!" I protested.

"Recalculating," informed the GPS helpfully. I huffed a laugh.

_Yeah. Not the only one doing a little recalculating. _

* * *

**A/N - You'll have to forgive me in that I'm one of the least car-savvy people you'll ever know... I think the book and the movie might be in contraction of one another about the type of car, since I seem to think the book said it was a Mercedes but it was a BMW in the movie? I went with BMW since my fics are largely movie based. I could be wrong completely though - lent my copy of a book to a friend and can't reference right now! **


	4. Hungry Heart

I cast a glance over at the airport building. It seemed fairly quiet as we left the freshly-dented BMW and headed back to R's plane. "Hey R, can we make a stop for more supplies?" I asked, nodding to the airport. He hesitated, mumbling a non-committal sound, eyes darting around our immediate surroundings. Remembering how I'd won him over before, I tilted my head. "Please?" He sighed very softly, then nodded. "S-stay b...ehind." He shifted position so he entered the building first. I remembered to slow my walk to a shuffle.

It took some time to locate a refrigerator unit that hadn't broken down and R seemed agitated, so once I'd found an old backpack - the outside bloodstained but the inside passable - I quickly loaded up a few more tins and a handful of assorted snack packets that I'd examine later, and we headed back outside.

I asked him about his car, wondering why he didn't use it more often. Walking everywhere must take forever.

"Ev-ery...where... walking... di-stan-ce..." I turned to listen more closely, this possibly the longest sentence he'd attempted yet. "...If y-ou, h-ave... t-time."

It was almost a joke. "Never thought about it that way." It was actually sort of depressing. Why would R need to hurry anywhere? He didn't have a life to rush back to, no job or family or... anything.

His shoulders slumped then he shrugged, and I narrowed my eyes. "Stop shrugging all the time." I told him, lightly whacking at his shoulder in reprimand. "I know you can talk."

"Try-ing." He really struggled to get the single word out. I looked over at him again, taking in the sadness in his grey gaze, the skin so deathly pale that no amount of sunshine would ever have an effect on it. I smiled at him, sensing that he was telling me the truth. He probably hadn't had to put in effort like this in his entire life.

_Life isn't the right word. _

_Shuttup. Like being politically correct matters right now. _

"You know, you're right. I shouldn't be so hard on you. It's just sometimes it's so easy to forget you're not just a normal guy. Apart from being really pale, you could pass for a human most of the time."

We climbed the stairs to the 747 and I moved through the cabin, already getting used to the place, collecting a fork and grabbing another beer since the last one hadn't turned me radioactive yet. R had vanished somewhere near the front of the plane, and it felt weird when I settled down with my back against a pile of suitcases to eat without him sitting watching. "Hey R, what are you doing? Come and sit down." I called, waiting until he emerged and sat opposite me before I started to eat. Hey, just because he didn't share my diet didn't mean I ought to be rude to him.

Once I'd picked all my favourite fruits of of the mixed tin, the silence got a little oppressive. I shot R a quick smile then slid over to his record collection.

"What's with all the vinyl? Couldn't figure out how to work an Ipod?" I inquired, flipping through the covers.

"Better..." He began, pausing to collect his thoughts. "S-sound."

That made me laugh. "O-oh, you're a purist, huh?"

_Zombie with refined taste in music. Now I've heard it all. _

"More... alive." R stressed.

"Yeah. Looot more trouble though." I looked over my shoulder to catch him shrugging, _again_. "There you go again, shrugging! Stop shrugging, shrugger. It's a very non-committal gesture." I scolded. When I went to shoot him a stern look, I caught him with his shoulders up in yet another shrug. He froze in place. "Really?" He hastily lowered his shoulders.

"These are really cool records. How'd you get all these?"

"I... col-lect... things."

"Yeap. I can see that. _You_, my friend, are a _hoarder_." I informed him. It was easy somehow to picture him out in the world before all this mess happened to it, flipping through records at a store, hanging around for hours and annoying the salespeople.

"Man, there's this awesome record store at Main and Ivy, you'd love it, it's so cool. Was so cool." I corrected myself, pulling our a record and getting to my feet to set it up. "Allrightie." R was right about one thing - the sound quality was incredible. With just R and I to hear it inside the plane, the notes sounded deeper, more true. "Much better," Bruce Springsteen had never sounded so great. I closed my eyes, letting the music wash over me, letting everything go... my own doubts, my fears, the repressed grief that I had barely allowed to surface... just me and the music.

I was a little self-conscious when I opened my eyes and found R still sitting, watching me with a look that was almost grateful. "Whoa, sorry R. Got a bit carried away." I flopped into a nearby chair. He shook his head just once, brow furrowing - he was trying to get something important out. He spun his finger like a record a couple of times.

"Music... k-keeps me... alive." He sighed, and I felt a little less embarrassed. R got it. Music affected even him. He clumsily tried a smile, then got to his feet. He headed to the back of the plane where the collection began to more resemble a mess, then brought out something I couldn't identify right away - not quite binoculars, far more old-fashioned. R sat down in a chair and fiddled with the device and a set of cards. He sighed heavily after a moment. I sat down in the chair next to him. "Okay if I try?" He handed them over and I fitted the cards into the correct spot, following to some long-ago memory I couldn't really recall.

_Is this what it's like for him? _

I held the eyepiece up to check and was amazed at the 3-D image I found myself immersed in. "Wow!" R handed over the next card, watching me closely. By now I'd figured out he didn't like being left out, so I held it out so he could see, too.

I ate again once the sun was halfway down the horizon and downed another beer. I hadn't really paid much attention to when my edge of caution had dulled, and on my third drink for the day it soon vanished altogether. I crashed that night in the chair I sat in to eat, lazily leaving my fork and the plastic take-out container I'd been eating fruit from on the seat next to me. I woke up the next morning to find them clean with a fresh tin beside them. I opted for a bottle of water with breakfast, trying to rid my mouth of the after alcohol aftertaste.

That morning I went exploring some of R's treasures. I had no idea what a zombie wanted with a dozen different pairs of glasses - including a 3D set that must have been from a kid's toy or book - but for a while I amused myself trying them on. When R wandered over to see what I was doing I playfully stuck a set of trendy black shades on his eyes, laughing when he jerked his head back in surprise at the dark world through the lens. I took them off and tried a set way too huge for the slender lines of his face, catching them when they slid off over his nose. He didn't suit a white frame or the 3D glasses, either. At the bottom of the shelf with the glasses was a DVD, and I had to chuckle at the title 'Zombie'. I held it up to compare the ravaged, mummy-like figure on the front to R's face. His eyes tracked nervously to the DVD case, no doubt wondering what the hell I was doing.

I smiled and let him be for a while. He seemed content enough to take a backseat as I wandered through the plane, rarely venturing a comment unless I asked him something directly. To fill the silence I played a few more records. I liked John Mellencamp's carefree lyrics and upbeat sound, while R seemed most fond of a Frank Sinatra record, sitting absolutely motionless as it played, his eyes occasionally closing. He really _did_ love music. With Bob Sager playing in the background I tried to teach R how to preform a two-person wave, but he struggled to co-ordinate his arms and gave up after a few attempts. I found him another Sinatra record, and that brightened him back up again. He slouched contentedly in a chair while I stretched my legs around the cabin interior. I paused at the snow globe he'd brought back from the lab, wondering about it again. There was a little nodding dog toy sitting right in front of it that began bobbing its head when I touched the stand it sat upon. I gently brushed the collar around the dog's neck. It would have been nice to have a real dog. There were plenty of German Shepherds the guards kept for security in the city, but they were dutiful, focused and serious in nature, uninterested in play.

I found a few interesting books for the afternoon, and forgot about my earlier worries about drinking too much beer, finishing three more that day, sipping unconsciously as I chewed through a fantasy about dragon riders until it got too dark to see properly.

* * *

We took the car for another quick spin the next morning, me driving this time, but there were more Corpses on the tarmac and we didn't stay out long. I parked the BMW, tsk-ing over the dent R had left in it. Crouching down to inspect it the damage didn't look _that_ bad, but it still broke my heart a little.

Back on board I kicked my shoes off and padded around the carpeted aisles in my socks. I amused myself for a while watching the more inane of R's possessions - the ball clicker, the drinking bird - I even gave him a cup, showing R the point. He lay beside me, fascinated for almost half an hour, watching the head bob down to 'drink.' Eventually I got bored and flicked the toy with my forefinger, knocking it over, looking over at R while he gazed back, looking almost disappointed. "Okay, sit up. I'm going to teach you something."

R couldn't master red hands, however, and he got annoying after a while, staring with that blank, wide-eyed look of his when it was his turn. I sighed and told him we'd try again later, spending the rest of the afternoon curled up with a book. The slower pace of the late afternoon reminded me that I was still stuck here - on this plane, in this airport, and my plans to map the area hadn't come to anything. I tried to stay patient - it wasn't that I disliked being here so very much. R was easy to live with, awkward staring habits aside. But I couldn't deny that I missed Nora and Kevin and even my Dad. It was also becoming harder and harder not to think about Perry's death.

Eventually R brought me a tin of fruit and a fresh (so to speak) beer as a peace offering and I had to forgive him. "Thanks, R." I murmured, and he got his typical startled deer-in-the-headlights expression at being thanked. To avoid my earlier thoughts, I engaged him in a halting conversation about why he felt the need to collect so many things.

"Ah-it's... what... Living would d-do." He replied, and I tilted my head as I processed that.

_So what... every zombie in this airport has a hideout like this? Filled with... memorabilia? _

_No. No, R isn't like the others. R is... _

_Is... _

I shook away the squabbling voices in my head. "R, do you miss being... living?" I asked him.

"Don't... remember... b-being Living." I instantly regretted asking him the question. His eyes were filled with an incredible sadness, a yearning that was impossible. It hit me then that this was all he had. Just the airport, and this plane, and...

_You?_

"At all? That's why... you don't remember your name." I breathed. It seemed profoundly wrong, that this affliction could rob somebody of everything, even who they were. Even in my darkest days, after my Mom died, or when I thought we'd loose the entire world to the plague... I'd clung to who I was. I was Julie. I'd be okay.

R shrugged, caught himself, nodded so that his hair slipped down into his eyes. His shoulders were slumped, and his eyes remained on the floor.

"You can still miss things you don't remember." I murmured. The look he gave me scared me. Not because it was aggressive - the opposite. The way he sat up straighter, as if the words themselves were reminding him to act more human...

_Except he's not. He's not a human, he's not like you. _

_It's_ not _his fault that he's a Corpse! _

_You're seeing things in him that aren't there. Not really. _

_What if they are, though? _

I didn't have an answer for myself. "So... well, I didn't realize how late it's gotten." I stretched, then yawned. Even though it had been a fairly sedentary day I was pretty tired, it wasn't faked. "I'm going to go to bed. I think it'll be more comfortable on the floor, I don't want to be all cramped up in a seat tonight." I pulled the seat pocket in front of me forwards to stash my book inside. R had wandered away to the overhead locker with the blankets and brought me out an extra, shaking it out the way he had the first night before handing to me. I put one of the seat cushions they offered first class passengers under my arm as I took the blanket, smiling. He was sort of sweetly thoughtful. Even if he was a Corpse.

When I curled up on one blanket and pulled the second over my shoulders I noticed R sliding awkwardly to the ground. He lay on his back in the aisle opposite my makeshift bed. I snuggled more deeply into the blanket and flashed a sleepy smile at him. I was warm and content, listening to the wind whistle outside and the occasional sound of R shifting against the ground.

"Goodnight, R." I murmured, eyes already closing. I heard his answer from a distance as I drifted off.

"Night. Julie."

* * *

The next morning I slept in, something I couldn't remember doing for ages. The sun was already well up. I wished I had some fresh clothes to change into, but as I hadn't been all that active aside from my impromptu escape dash I hoped I was still fairly passable. I ate breakfast then put some more music on, including mine and R's favourites. R seemed restless, for him, rarely staying in one place long but not really doing anything as he meandered around the plane, lifting items only to put them gently back down. I finished my book - an exciting but not very memorable tale about terrorists taking over an offshore oil rig - and put it back carefully where I'd found it.

Late in the afternoon, I was staring blankly down at a set of cards, a game of solitaire I'd stopped seeing a half hour ago. I remembered it had been Perry who'd first showed me how to play it. He knew all sorts of card games - his father had taught him and in turn he'd taught me. A tear escaped and slid down my face before I could stop it. I'd known Perry for four years, been with him for two of those. I heard his last scream echoing horribly in my ears, and I almost choked trying to hold back more tears. If I started crying I wouldn't stop.

R had been sitting several rows away. The flash of red caught my eye as he moved, shuffling over to me then sitting down opposite me, propping his chin up on a fist placed on his drawn-up knees. He didn't say anything, but there was something comforting about his proximity.

"R, can I ask you something?" I questioned softly when I could be sure of speaking without a sob in my voice. It still shook slightly but hopefully he wouldn't notice. "My boyfriend... he died back there." I hadn't meant it to come out as a question, but when R didn't protest I felt an awful hopelessness seize my heart. But I had to ask R something that I been dreading, something that I'd barely allowed myself to think on. "Will he come back... as one of you..?"

R shook his head with surprise, but certainty. I felt a combined stab of relief and disappointment. Some part of me wanted to see Perry one last time... even if he was dead. The more rational part of me knew that was the very last thing I wanted.

I sighed, taking small, deep breathes to keep my tears in check. "That's good I guess." I put my arms around my knees, staring at the floor. "Something happened to him..." I explained, then admitted, "...A lot of things happened to him. But I guess there came a point where he couldn't absorb any more." Once I'd begun, I couldn't stop. "It's just... in my world, people die all the time. So you know, it's not like I'm... not sad, that he's gone. Because I am. But I think I've been preparing for it for a really long time." I couldn't hide from it anymore. It had become too big, and so I brought the truth out to sit beside us. R watched me wipe a tear, looked away, then pushed himself to his feet. I wished for a second that I hadn't spilled my guts like that. Then I heard the needle of the record player sliding into place and slow notes filling the air. _Shelter from the storm. _

R cast a slow, distant look out the window, then came back down to sit where he had before, using his hands as he half-slid, half sat down. He still didn't speak, but his eyes were steady on mine. He placed his hand over his heart, then slowly reached out for me to place the same hand on mine. Even without words... oh how hard he tried.

"What are you?" I asked him for the second time, mesmerized by the earnest expression in his eyes. The low light made them look less grey than usual. He didn't have an answer this time, either. Puzzled, and still nursing my grief over Perry, I went to bed as the sun went down wishing there was just one thing in the world I could make sense of. I could never fully get behind the idea of the wall, I could never truly understand Perry's loss of faith, and I was certainly no closer than I'd ever been figuring R out.

* * *

"Julie, wake up." A familiar voice brings my eyes open. With a yawn, I rub my eyes. "Morning, R. Hey, um... where are we?" I frown, looking around. This wasn't R's plane. He's sitting on a hollow log nearby, face tilted to the sky, shaded by the trees overhead... smiling. The smile is wider and less stiff than usual. His head tilts appealingly. "Don't you remember? Did you have a bad dream, Julie?"

"My life is like a bad dream." He laughs, and the rich sound of it imprints itself in my memory. This... this isn't right. He looks like himself, skin pale, expressive grey eyes, and the dark veins half-fading against his neck, but he doesn't _sound_ like himself.

"Mine too." R continues in this rich strong version of his voice, and he chuckles. "Funny you should mention. It's not right now, though." He grins at me winningly. "Recently things have been looking a lot more positive. You taught me that. You should teach me scrabble, next. I always wanted to play scrabble."

"You're talking as if..." I trail off, like we've switched places. He's sure of himself. It fits, but it doesn't.

"Yeah, it's coming together." R casually picks up a scrabble board from the grass beside him. "So, what about it?"

I open my mouth to reply to his strange request, but a plane roars overhead and eclipses the sound of my voice. It sounds so close it scares me, and the start brings my eyes open...

* * *

The plane is still very dim, definitely nighttime. Unsettled, I replayed the dream in my head. Then I glanced around, looking for R. It took a moment to find him. He was sitting up in the cockpit, somewhere I hadn't been much. It was one part of the plane that didn't have items scattered everywhere. I pushed back my blanket and sat up, some instinct telling me to move slowly. R didn't hear me, though usually his senses were sharp. My heartbeat quickened until I felt he surely must hear it and turn around as I approached the cockpit. R had something in his hand that I couldn't see because of the angle and the way the moonlight lit only half of everything. But I figured it out pretty rapidly when R lifted his hand and swallowed.

It had crossed my mind as R brought me my meals that I hadn't seen him eat. I figured his metabolism was probably pretty slow, but I'd been with him for a few days now...

_A few days_...

R wasn't some hero, a knight on a white horse. R was a Corpse, and he was sitting a few body-lengths from me eating a meal of _a person_. A person from my city, a person I might know. It could have been _Perry_.

_He can't help it. _

_Whose side are you on?! _

_You don't blame predators for catching prey._

_This isn't some old episode of Animal Planet! Humans aren't gazelles, and Corpses aren't lions! _

Reality crushed my shoulders and tried to wrestle me to my knees. I resisted, struggling silently as I backed away, stopping only when I saw the entrance. I shot a last look up at R. He was sitting back in the pilot's chair, head tilted back. I was never going to get another chance like this. R hadn't brought up me leaving in our halting conversations. He wouldn't want me to go. But I couldn't stay with him. That realization shouldn't have caused me the anguish it did as I creaked open the plane door and crept down the steps. I didn't look back again - once my feet were on the tarmac, I ran.

* * *

**A/N - Thanks for the reviews so far guys! I love hearing from my readers, new and longterm alike! **

**Brig, I didn't actually have her reason for running planned out ahead (if you want a flash forward, I do actually have figured out why she leaves him when they're in the suburbs and I hope that you guys are going to like that one!) so this one played out as I wrote the chapter. **

**Chaotic, thanks! I got this idea as a bit of a project after I wrote R's perspective, I wanted to get a bit more into Julie's motives before I tackle a fiction set after the movie :) **

**Jusea I'm glad you liked the range of emotions Julie went through, this chapter is sort of similar to that I think. **

**Busy weekend coming up, so it'll probably be early next week for the next chapter. Have a good one, lovely readers! **


	5. Reason

It was still dark, but I was reminded pretty quickly of the Corpses' lack of a need for sleep. There was a trio of them right by the entrance to the nearest building. I swerved away and kept to the shadows before they could see or smell me, heading to a set of small outbuildings off to the side. As I moved, hyper-alert to the danger around me, I went over the airport layout. The fenceline around the tarmac itself was ages away by foot, and when I looked over at the carpark in the hopes of driving - a _whole group _of Corpses. I was stuck on my own feet, and that meant the quickest way out was the way I'd come. I had to get through the airport building, home to God knew how many Corpses, and then make it through the Dead Zone of the city to the wall. My breath caught at the impossibility of it. I didn't know if I could do this alone. I wanted Mom. Dad. Or Perry. Or Nora. Or...

The door to the first outbuilding was hanging crooked on its hinges, and my eye fell upon lawn maintenance equipment long since unused. I hesitated, looking at a small hedge-trimmer. It wasn't likely to still work... but I liked the idea of not being defenseless, and the metal blades were still sharp. I picked it up, bracing it on my hip to carry as I cautiously moved along a hallway, through several offices, and into the airport. For the first five minutes I successfully avoided the roving Corpses inside. I messed up when I got to the security station - when I saw the guard wasn't standing in his usual place with his wand, I rushed through. He was sitting on the x-ray machine, out of sight until the last second, and he let out a snarl of surprise as I all but crashed into him. "Shit!" I swung the hedge-trimmer with all my might, knocking him back. He crashed into a luggage cart that rolled back and noisily hit a larger stack. The noise was attracting more Corpses, I could see their shadowy figures drawing in closer. Frantically I made a grab at the pull-cord, acting on instinct.

_Please, for the love of all life, start! _

The resulting roar of the engine was sweet to hear. I gripped the handle firmly and began swinging the trimmer defensively, half-crouched and striking at any of them who got too close. I screamed when one darted up behind me, grabbing at my jacket. I swung the blades towards him, then frantically jabbed the butt of the machine backwards into the face of a female coming from the opposite side. Two more lunged for me - I jammed the blades into the face of the first and kicked the second, hitting him in the chest and knocking him back. There were too many, they were going to overwhelm me. That was when the largest one sprang at me, too close for me to turn the trimmer on him. One meaty hand grasped the stem, the other grabbing my jacket, yanking the trimmer entirely from my grip. I screamed as he snarled in my face, looming threateningly over me.

In a blinding, blurring flash of red R punched him squarely in the jaw, with so much force it floored him. My own jaw dropped open with shock to see him here, racing right into the fray. He didn't hesitate, ramming into the next closest zombie and shoving him backwards, retreating back to me when the final Corpse still standing made a last grab at me. R shouldered him so hard he slid across the floor and hit a set of trolleys headfirst. R snatched a section of pipe to smash his point home. Then, he finally slowed down and looked around, a fierceness to him I'd never seen before. I didn't even think he could move that fast. The lights flickered on and off in the background as he turned back to me, fierceness fading now into the comfortable, introspective R I knew. His eyes were filled with hurt as they met mine, and the guilt hit me sharply. "You said a few days." I protested. "It's been a few days, R." He nodded, reluctantly, looking at the floor as if under the pretense of checking on my attackers. "I have to go home." I pressed.

"Ah, huh, sssstay to-gether." If I didn't know better I would have thought that he was out of breath. "Safe."

_Safe_ wasn't a word I would have applied to a zombie-infested airport at night, but the way R said it, it was hard to disbelieve.

A growl came from one of the fallen, and my eyes widened as the same one rose to his feet. I backed away, behind R, who showed none of his earlier aggression - and to my further shock, the Corpse, the big one who'd been inches away from killing me - _spoke_.

"What!?" He snarled, demanding. It was the same rasping, uncomfortable manner that R used, forced rather than flowing. Unlike R's relatively harmless appearance, this Corpse radiated hostility and aggression.

"Julie." R said my name like an explanation.

_To him it might be._

"Living?" He was glaring at me like I was a side dish. "Eat." It was exceptionally hard not to succumb to fear when a hungry Corpse was staring me like that.

R shuffled forward, planting himself firmly between me and him, shaking his head with more animation than I'd seen him use the gesture before.

"Eat." Repeated the angry Corpse, then he shouted it in fury, making me flinch.

_This could not get any worse. _

_You know you always think that, and then it does. _

At that second, a skeleton shape appeared silhouetted in the far doorway with a rusty scream. A _Boney_.

_Told you so. _

"Ohmygod." I froze, the fear I'd thought was strong before now` paralyzing me.

"We go." Decided R hastily, half-pointing in the opposite direction. When I glanced up at his pale face I saw real concern there and that scared me all over again. R could, as he'd just proven, kick the butts of any Corpse in this place, but he wasn't even going to try with this monster. We were in trouble. I backed nervously away from the doorway. "Eat." Murmured the big Corpse, but he didn't look like he was about to challenge the Boney over which one of them got first dibs on me.

I huffed out a startled noise as we halted by a bay of windows, an _entire hoard _of zombies staring through the opposite side. I spun around at a second screech - the Boney was advancing. _Shitshitshit_! R caught my sleeve, tugged, and we fled down an escalator. I remembered I'd nabbed a flashlight from R's plane that I'd stashed in the back of my waistband, removing it now to light our way. I couldn't stop looking behind me at the Boney, running now, as we sprinted (Well, I sprinted, R sort of lurched) through a hallway and towards a door, which R slammed behind us. Thankfully, it locked from our side. I retreated several paces from the glass panel, pointing the light. I was deathly afraid that the Boney would break through as it roared, fists slamming against the door in frustration.

The door, and the glass, held. I nearly doubled over in relief, a painful stitch in my side from our sudden dash, but the new service road we'd emerged on was long, looming and felt almost as unsafe as the room with the Boney in it. "This way." R seemed to know where he was going and I was grateful. How he always showed up just in time to rescue me from whatever nightmare of the day was in town, I didn't know.

I recognized the garage door ahead of us with a wave of relief - we were close to the parking bay. I'd feel a hell of a lot safer inside the BMW, which, even if it didn't have a roof, would at least give me a way to fight back. I wouldn't have minded running over a Boney right then. Probably would have reversed to do it a second time, if I had the chance. See if _they _got scared.

R and I stooped under the half-open door and then stopped, a gasp escaping me. Three Boneys were waiting for us. I shot a frantic look at R, desperate for him to come up with a plan. Fear had overtaken me again as we stared into those faces empty of everything but death, and I felt it so deeply, the despair threatened to crush me.

_Is this was Perry felt like all the time? _

Without warning, a hefty luggage cart smashed into all three Boneys, crunching them soundly under the low wheels. I stared, jaw slightly open, when I saw that the driver was my attacker from inside.

"Come with me." He instructed calmly, as if it would never have occurred to him I wasn't about to get on board anything from a luggage cart to a magic carpet if he was the one driving. When R happily moved towards the cart, I shot him a disbelieving look. "What?!" I glared at the Corpse. "No!" Make that a _hell no_. _Fuck no_.

"Want... to help."

"Who the hell asked you?" I was being rude, but he had been trying to kill and eat me only a few minutes ago, and with all the various monsters trying to turn me into a dinner mint, I was feel pretty damn stressed out.

"Huh." He made a choking sound that was nonetheless a recognizable laugh. _Creepy_. "Like her." He looked at R as he said this, which only infuriated me more. I hated being talked about like I wasn't there. I wasn't a child! He held out a hand to me.

_I am NOT getting up there! _

_Because your options are, what...? Stay here and face a Boney horde on your own? _

_... _

_FINE! _

I growled softly in frustration and looked at R for confirmation. "It's... o-kay."

This was potentially the least okay thing in the history of all things, but it was hard not to trust R when he pulled out those big sincere eyes of his. So, against my better judgement, I took the Corpse's hand and let him pull me into the seat beside him. "Sure it is." I muttered rebelliously, quick to point him in the right direction for our BMW. I looked over my shoulder, making sure R was okay. He wrapped one arm around the seat backs for balance and crouched on the towbar. We motored swiftly over towards the car park. Thankfully the Corpse was a better driver than R had been at first. He didn't hit any of the cars as he pulled in and headed towards a familiar red convertible.

The BMW was, potentially, the best thing I'd ever set eyes on. I jumped off the cart almost before it stopped moving, breathing a huge sigh of releif. At last, some sort of a plan. "Oh, I am so happy to see you right now."

My confident steps towards the car faltered then froze altogether. Zombies seemed to converge slowly on us from every direction. They formed an almost solid barrier between me and the car, and I gulped as they paused, swaying, staring.

"Um... R?" I called shakily. My eyes were riveted on the crowd only ten feet or so away, but I saw from the corner of my eye when R reached my side.

My nerves couldn't handle another attack, another fight. No here, so close to freedom. Pleadingly, I turned to R, reached out to his comforting presence, took his cool hand in my fingers and gripped him tightly. I would be tough, mean-ass, butt-kicking Julie another time, when I wasn't exhausted and hungry and chilled to the bone, and coming off yet another struggle for my life. Right then and there, I needed R and his quiet strength more than I'd ever needed any person in the world.

It hit me then in a rush just how human he was. He wasn't some faceless, nameless Corpse on the street to me anymore. He wasn't dangerous, he wasn't diseased, he wasn't threatening, or even that creepy - not after all the times he'd protected me in just these few days. He was familiar and comforting and a little bit sweet, in his own way. He was _R_.

It scared me more than anyone who'd attacked me tonight. Scared me more than when he led me into the strangely silent crowd, who parted slowly to let us pass while I clung to R's hand with one of mine and his arm with my other.

We were through. Untouched - _safe_. "You. Drive." Suggested R tactfully, and I risked a momentary glance at him, composed myself, and through sheer force of will made myself speak normally. "Good idea."

Very good idea, since a Boney announced its presence with an echoing scream. It wasn't close to the car, but it was still enough to bring my fearfulness back to the surface. I yanked the gearstick and hit the accelerator rapidly. The Boneys - more than one now - followed us, but the BMW gained speed swifter than they did and they soon faded in the rear-view mirror.

The mechanical action of driving took over. R sat silently in the seat beside me, mostly staring straight ahead, head shifting occasionally to glance at me then quickly away. I wished that he would say something. It was almost like he could guess, sense that shift in my feelings. But that was stupid.

I pulled out of the airport into the darkness of the night, into the rain that began to fall, and down the road that would bring me home.

* * *

**A/N - Felt a bit sorry for Jules in this chapter - even if she did **_**sorta **_**bring it on herself, it's pretty terrifying to come face to face with Corpses and then Boneys all in the one night, she holds things together a lot better than I would under the circumstances! **

**All in all I was actually rather happy with the way this chapter turned out, something I rarely feel about anything that I write. I'm a constant editer, going back and rearranging sections and rewriting bits, never really feeling as if it's finished. **

**Oh, and while I don't frequently plug anybody else's fanfics, since I don't read as many of them as I write, I did find a great little R/Julie one that I really enjoyed recently, so if you haven't yet stop by and check out Valkyriegirl's 'Being Still is a Habit'. Our little WB fic community is a small one and we need to stick together :) **

**Review to inspire and brighten my day? I'm stuck at home with no car (don't ask) and getting depressed, so they're doubly good at the moment! **


	6. Shelter from the Storm

The high whistle of the wind against the car and the constant patter of rain were the only sounds outside the car, punctuated by the occasional direction from the navigation system. I was beginning to regret the choice of convertible, though there was not much choice to be had under the circumstances - car without a roof was better than being eaten alive. The cold was cutting into me though, the rain soaking me through and the wind adding its chill factor, until I was shivering, R's occasional looks my way becoming more and more worried, though he stayed silent.

"Jesus, I am freezing. I have to pull over." I hoped my teeth weren't chattering. I steered off the highway and into the suburbs until we were a safe enough distance and I couldn't stand the cold a moment longer. "This was one of the last neighborhoods my dad evacuated. Maybe these houses have food."

I found a rough parking spot in the debris scattered all over the lawn. I scouted the area as I climbed out, pulling my soaking shirt closer, relieved to find there was no sign of movement. I was too frosty for butt-kicking.

I don't know why I expected the door of the house to be unlocked, but the disappointment and the desperation leaked in as I stared at the barrier of the door. "Oh man, It's locked."

R tugged on my sleeve and I moved a step aside, curious, and without warning he rammed shoulder-first into the door. It popped open, a few pieces of wood splintering, and I had to laugh. "Oh! God." I did feel a tiny thrill though, one that had nothing to do with the cold. It was an impressive show of strength - it was odd that it threw R into a different sort of light, one I'd never seen him in, but it was strangely attractive to see him throwing his weight around so casually.

_Wait - attractive? _

_Well no, not attractive as in... _

_As in, you just had a passing feeling of attraction for a Corpse?"_

_I'm freezing cold. I'm not thinking about this. _

Just getting out of the wind and the rain was a relief, even if I was still soaking. I closed the door, and though the regular lock was splintered and unusable there was a deadbolt I slid closed. I found a lamp on a side table, the last owner having conveniently left matches beside it, even if they hadn't left the door unlocked. Exploring the rest of the room I was sidetracked in my search for useful survival items.

"Oh, cool! Look what they have!" I sized the Polaroid camera in delight, loving the solid weight in my hands. "Haven't seen one of these in forever. Cheese!" I snapped a photo of R, laughing when his mildly curious look turned into one of surprise at the brightness of the flash. "S'alright. See?" I handed him the photo, and he held it delicately, transfixed by the blooming image. "Yeah." I wandered around the lounge, snapping photos of nothing in particular just for the joy of watching the image translate into photo. "It's important to preserve memories, y'know. Especially now the world's on it's way out. _Everything you see you may be seeing for the last time_." The last sentence popped into my mind automatically. It had been a long time that I'd been able to think about Perry without a sharp sorrow taking hold of me. Even before his death, he'd given up to the hopelessness in him, and there had always been a sadness to how he appeared in my thoughts. Strange, how easy the thought came to me now, how right it felt to remember Perry. Even if I didn't want to dwell in the past for too long.

"Here. Take a picture." I handed R the camera. _Look forward_.

I half-expected him to, but it was still sort of nice when he immediately raised the camera to point at me. Yeah, that was going to be a great picture, with my hair soaking and my lips probably still blue from the cold, but he looked so pleased with himself when he smoothly pressed the button and the photo popped out, I couldn't bring myself to say anything. He looked down at the photo, and his little half smile became a wider one.

We took turns with the camera taking photos of the house and its contents, until I started shivering again. We might be out of the rain and wind but my clothes were still soaking. R went rummaging and came up with some candles, and when I saw a bucket I put it outside to catch at least a little rainwater so I could wash up and perhaps even get the toilet to flush - none of the taps in the household worked. In the kitchen we found a small stockpile of tinned food. After eating routinely good meals in R's plane I was craving more 'real food' and I wolfed down a nutritious feast of lentils, kidney beans, and chickpeas. Still chilled, I left R sprawled on the couch (he was studying a magazine, and though I didn't think that he could read anything on the pages, his intensity suggested he was trying) and checked upstairs. I shivered again padding down the bare floorboards of the empty hallway, and not from the cold this time. It was weird, seeing three bedrooms, possessions left as if waiting for their family to come back. Creepy. Now I was upstairs and away from R's reassuring presence, I became aware of how big the house was, and how empty.

In the main bedroom, I threw some clean linen on the bed, not bothering with tucking the sheets in properly, and plodded back down the stairs to wish R goodnight.

"I'm exhausted. The bed actually isn't too rotten, so, I'm gonna go to sleep." I was nervous.

_From the ghost house upstairs. That's why. _

"Goodnight." He'd been so quiet all night, even for him, I found myself hesitating as I went to scale the stairs.

_You want him with you. Admit it. _

_Okay, so I'm used to having him around. So what? _

"Ummm..." _Good start_. "R?" Dammit, I _did_ want him close by - not downstairs, staring sadly at a magazine, trying to connect with nameless people.

"Yeah?" It was something between how the actual word was typically said and a raspy-sounding grunt. It was the first he'd spoken to me since we'd left the airport.

"Well I... I was thinking... you know, you could sleep in there, if you want. On the floor." I was still nervous and my words alternated between hesitating and all rushing out at once. It wasn't like I was asking him to shack up with me for the night. Besides, our normal routine was him stretched out on the floor or sitting in a seat opposite me. I still thought he might get the wrong message. "These houses creep me out, so..."

Even though it was the truth, it felt a little like I was lying to him. "Okay." I'd made enough of an idiot of myself for one night. I beat a hasty retreat up the stairs, cursing my stupidly. R was probably glad to get away from me for a few hours.

Except that before I could even get into the bed, after digging a dusty blanket out of a closet, R appeared in the doorway, shyly looking at the floor. "Thanks, R." I said quietly, but before I could hear if he had any sort of answer we both turned to the window. There was a car passing outside. Wildly, I thought at first somebody was stealing the BMW, but no - the key was in my pocket.

A look out the window, R looming curiously over my shoulder, convinced me pretty quickly who it was. Yes, and there he was in one of the convoy's few jeeps. ""Holy shit, that's my Dad."

I barely spoke aloud at all, but as if in response to my words a torchlight beam aimed right at the window. "Get back!" Instinctively I gave R's chest a shove, pushing him out of the line of sight from outside. I watched the convoy sweep past our house, not really seeing them.

Everyone said I looked like her. I had never seen it myself, even if she was blonde and on the short side, like me. She was always looking out for other people, my Mom. She taught me how to cook, standing me on a stool beside the kitchen counters before I was tall enough to reach. And when she became infected, when the blankness set into the face that everyone thought was so alike to mine, Dad shot her right between the eyes.

He said it was for the best - she wouldn't have wanted to live like that. And some part of me understood that - Mom had been so gentle, she never would have been happy with killing people to survive. But part of me always wondered... if Dad had let her live, maybe... contained her somehow... would she have recognized us, eventually? Even now I had no answer for that. But I knew what would have happened here and now, if Dad had found us.

"He would have killed you." I didn't realize I was speaking aloud at first. I wasn't sure if I meant to. When I turned to R - his eyes looked huge and troubled - I saw him in the place of my mother, victims of the same bullet, the same trigger finger. "If he saw you, he would have just shot you in the head... and you'd just be gone." I knew, because it had happened before. The thought of R not existing... of all those mementos on his plane waiting for him to return like this house waited for its family... it was _wrong_.

I think I stood there for too long, lost in my memories and just breathing after the close call, because R eventually nudged me towards the bed, taking his own place on the floor next to it.

Somehow, the warm weight of the blankets only intensified the cold still clinging to my clothing. I had hoped that they would dry enough to be serviceable, but now I'd stopped moving and was lying still, the frozen feeling soon returned to my skin. "Urgh. These clothes are soaking still. I'm going to lay'em out to dry." For a moment, I thought about going back into the bathroom to change, but since it felt a little too like grave-digging to go through a strangers' closet in search of something to wear, I had nothing to change into anyway.

R's face turned towards me, looking at if I'd just told him I was about to do a naked rain dance on the roof. "Oh, _relax_."

I pushed the blankets back and exhaled in protest as what little warmth I'd managed to trap escaped. The temperature had dropped dramatically, even since coming upstairs. I pulled my long-sleeved shirt off and dropped it haphazardly over a low foot-locker that looked like the type to store shoes in. I glanced down at my singlet - R had seen me in that before, but I felt suddenly self-conscious. It surprised me, since Perry and I had been together so long, consenting to sex perhaps six months after we got together, and I hadn't been self-conscious about my body around him at all. But then, towards the end, Perry hadn't really been enthusiastic about being with me that way, so I supposed it had been a while.

I shot a look at R over my shoulder - his head was still turned towards me, lifted off the ground now as he stared. "Don't look." I muttered to him. "Okay." He agreed readily enough.

_You're _stripping _in front of a Corpse! _

_That's stupid. He's not going to see anything. If anyone got to go to beaches for fun anymore, he'd have seen way more from some bimbo in a bikini. _

I couldn't bring myself to be afraid of R. He had been a perfect gentleman during the time I'd spent on his plane - if his mind had been on that sort of thing, I wouldn't have stood a chance. I just understood on an intellectual level that R wasn't dangerous to me.

Without further ado I pulled my singlet off, my still-wet hair instantly chilling my neck. I picked it up and using one of the hairbands I stuck habitually on my wrist - the girls in my class had the worst habit of losing them - quickly pulled it into a high bun. I didn't care so much that it wouldn't dry there, as long as it wasn't freezing my face or neck anymore. I stood up to undo my belt buckle, sliding them and my jeans down in one motion and quickly slipping back into bed before the cold air could attack my freshly exposed skin.

I had only had time to briefly freshen myself up with my half-bucket of water, too cold to do much more than splash my face and neck and scrub at my hands, and since it had been several days since my last shower I felt a little self-conscious about how I must smell, especially to R. Maybe that was why he'd been able to resist attacking me? He certainly never acted as if he were tempted into hunger at having me nearby. Even though I knew from earlier in the evening that he was still eating, even if he hadn't outright killed anybody while I'd been with him... things just got more complicated. It was difficult to picture R killing somebody, let alone eating them. Like my mother, his nature was so gentle, he couldn't enjoy it. Even when I pulled up an image of R that first night I'd met him, the things he'd done since made it hard for me to remember what he was. My thoughts when I reached for his cool hand earlier returned to me. He was just R.

He was staring resolutely at the ceiling as if a fascinating play was showing there. Once I pulled the covers back up to my chin, his eyes rolled sideways to glance at me nervously.

"Hey." R's head turned towards me. "Do you have to eat people?" It sounded like a stupid question, but R wouldn't have laughed at me. Maybe there _was_ a way around it.

He didn't glance away as he answered me, looking as if he regretted the word. "Yeah."

"Or you'll die?" His head moved slightly. "Yep." He said, even more quietly.

"But you didn't eat me." I probed, still trying to figure it all out. All of this... it felt like it should fit, somehow, a bigger picture whose style I recognized, but not the artist. "You rescued me. Like, a bunch." I pointed out. He went to his fallback reply - his shoulder lifted just once, downplaying his role as the hero of our little story, his eyes still on me. I remembered, after my Mom died, and I'd pulled myself together to carry on living, I'd decided I couldn't just stay sorry for myself. In my darkest moments, I'd thought about dying too, just so I could be with her. But then I thought about what she would have wanted. I'd been glad I lived then, and I was glad R had saved me now.

I began training to be a teacher that year, even though I was finishing what equated to high school at the time. Mom would have liked me teaching kids, I hoped. After I completed my six-month course, I'd been allocated a small class right away, and I'd put every effort into teaching my kids the way mom had taught me, keeping things fun, trying not to let the darkness of the world dampen their spirits. Mom had not been right for this new word, of weapons and struggles to survive. But she had carried on, as she always had before.

Had R done that? Picked himself up and carried on, clinging to the remnants of life around him? In the blue light, he looked so lonely, lying on his back on the floor as if it were comfortable to him. Would he have thought to say, if it wasn't? Would he want something better for himself? It made me think about all the effort R put in, all the things he'd done for me - not just saving my life on multiple occasions, but bringing me my meals and playing me music, sharing his isolated little life with me, listening when I scolded him, or complained, or just talked. I thought of how much Nora had changed since I'd first met her, a flighty, wild thing who'd been living outside the wall and fighting for her life for so long it had taken months for her to settle. Weirdly, I wanted her to meet R. I wanted to walk with him into my city, and show people that they didn't always have to be afraid.

"It must be hard - being stuck in there. You know I see you trying. That's what people do, y'know, try to be better. Sometimes we kinda suck at it, but... I look at you, and you try so much harder than any human in my city."

The inevitable tears threatened, and I had a suspicion they weren't only because I'd been thinking about my mother so much.

I wished she could have met him, too.

"You're a good person, R." Only one tear fell. I'd had so much practice at not letting them escape. I turned my head away, blinking back the rest. "Anyway."

R's voice, when he spoke, was more hoarse than usual. "I- it-It was me." He stammered.

I turned to look down at him. "What was you?"

_You know what. _

He reached out and set something on the bedside table between us with a gentle bump. Something I recognized instantly. When I reached out for it, it was still warm. From being in R's pocket, but I almost believed that Perry's warmth had lingered there.

I fell back onto the pillows, my fingers wrapped around the face of the watch.

_You already knew that._

_I did not! _

_Your name. He called you by name from the very first day. He couldn't have known your name, unless..._

_Unless he'd gotten it from Perry. Perry was the one he killed and ate. _

I realized belatedly that R was still lying on the floor, stuff and scared as he looked at me, something imploring in his eyes. I spoke slowly, all the peices coming together as I did. "I mean... I guess I kind of... knew that."

"Yyyou did?" I knew he was still staring at me even though I couldn't meet his eyes anymore.

"Um. Yeah, I... I guess I hoped that you didn't..." I couldn't have this conversation with him. I was exhausted, the tension of the day and my narrow escapes translating into tiredness. "I'm sorry."

I rolled onto my side, so I couldn't see him, and pulled the blankets around my shoulders, Perry's watch tucked under my chin.

I missed him. There was so much familiar in missing Perry. I'd been doing it for a long time before he physically died. I wiped my face once, more tears escaping. Sleep came for me then, even as I heard the familiar voice struggling, always struggling.

"J-Julie. Mm... I'm... I'm so... sorry. Julie." It was the last thing I heard before falling asleep.

* * *

**A/N - **

**Brig, glad you enjoyed both the action and the humour parts of the last chapter! I was trying not to go overboard with either and strike a nice balance. The 'dinner mint' line I won't claim as original - it's a reworded joke from one of my favourite TV shows. I know you were really looking forward to a bit of a better look at Julie's motivations during certain parts of this chapter, so I hope you enjoyed them equally. **

**Camerogirl - nice catch, Julie being quite fearful and in general emotional is very purposefully done on my behalf. I picture this version of Julie as being a sort of opposite of R with his struggle to even understand emotion - she's very ruled by hers, she feels them so deeply. **

**Jusea, it was weird for me, casting Marcus as the bad guy! Because to me, he's just the big joking lovable sidekick, but from Julie's POV with no realization that M and R are friends at this point, he's just terrifying. I'm looking forward to putting Marcus into a bit more of a role in the next fanfic, don't worry. **

**And unfortunately no, I'm still car-less and stuck at home, but I'm less mopey now (**_**I'm**_** not stuck in a zombie apocalypse, after all) and decided that if I have all this extra time, I may as well spend it writing. I'm carrying right on now with the next chapter, so stay tuned all. **


	7. Dents

It was still pretty dark when my eyes opened. I knew I hadn't been asleep long enough to make up for yesterday's hecticness, the tiredness still dragging at my bones, making me feel clumsy and heavy.

R...

The only light was from the cloud-shrouded early dawn outside, and it took me a moment to spot him. He was still in the same place on the floor, but he was curled over on himself, hands nestled beside his face. His eyes were closed.

_He can't be asleep... can he? _

_Is that so very shocking considering everything else he's done? _

He was definitely asleep, I couldn't deny it for long. He looked... innocent. Peaceful, in a way he never had before, even on his plane. For a while I just watched him, unable to dispel my troubled feelings.

_Or maybe it's just easier to worry, than to feel anything else for him? _

"I'm not sure." I jumped when he spoke, my breath catching. There was a deep, sure note in his voice that had never been there before. The words flowed, without catching in his throat, without beig forced. Talking... he was talking, _properly_, if in his sleep. Now I really couldn't pull my eyes away from him. His lips twitched into the smile I had gotten to know so well in just a few days. Then it faded, leaving a puzzled expression. "I don't know. I don't even know what I am."

Was he dreaming? A Corpse dreaming seemed even stranger than one sleeping, even if it _was_ R. No wonder he'd never had any answer when I asked him what he was. He couldn't figure it out any more than I could.

"We can, right?" He asked earnestly, and his next words caused my heart to plummet. "You and me?"

They echoed in my ears. You and me, you and me.

_You know who the 'me' is in this scenario, right? _

_He's dreaming about... me. _

I was up and out of the bed so rapidly I was sure my frantic struggle to shove aside the sheets would wake him. Crashing down onto me, it was all too much. I ripped my clothes back on - they were faintly damp, but bearable.

What wasn't bearable was that my boyfriend was dead, and I was sleeping here a few feet away from the person who'd killed him. I wasn't actually angry at R for what he'd done, though a part of me wondered if I should be. I knew he didn't want to be the way he was. But I couldn't change that. Neither could he, and I shouldn't be here with him hoping it could all be different. It shouldn't have taken me this long to figure that out. It was myself that I was angry with. I wasn't living in some fairytale. It wasn't all going to be okay. The level of attachment I was developing for R wasn't... wasn't...

Right_? It's not _right_ to care about him? _

_He killed Perry. There's no escaping that. _

_And him saving you? _

_Does saving a life make up for taking one? _

Dressed, my fingers closed around the keys in my pocket, and I looked down at him one last time. His unruly hair fell over his forehead, curling around his ears. An idiotic urge to comb it neat with my fingers hit me. _Stop it!_ The dark veins I'd noticed that ran down his neck were barely visible in this low light, and with his grey eyes closed, he had never looked more human.

Leaving him felt wrong. A sick, cramped feeling grasped hold of my insides. What was he going to think when he woke up, and I wasn't here?

He would go home to the airport. And I would go home to the city. And everything would go back to normal.

_Except you don't believe that. _

I squeezed my eyes closed and made a blind dash out of the room, holding my hands out in front of me blindly. The stairs were carpeted, making no sound as I went down two at a time. Only when the engine of the BMW roared to life did I worry about waking him, and I didn't let myself falter any longer. I pulled the car back onto the road, back towards the highway. I told myself the tears that ran down my face were from the bitter cold of the wind.

_Liar. _

The car began to slow, spluttering, once the sun was fully up. It rolled to a sad stop between several other broken-down cars with a final cough. I let my hands fall from the wheel with a sigh, then opened the door.

_Looks like we're walking from here. _

I felt bad, leaving the BMW abandoned out here on the highway. I was getting in a lot of practice at that. When I passed the front of the car and saw the dent R had left after his parking attempt, a tiny sliver of hurt embedded itself in my heart. I felt like _I_ was one he'd left a dent on. Mine just wasn't as visible. I began to walk along the highway, towards the not so distant Wall. I couldn't help myself from glancing over my shoulder.

_Are you sure you're going in the right direction? _

I wasn't, but I kept walking anyway, staying alert for any activity on the road - but the only one moving was me.

When the Wall was finally in front of me a harsh voice rang out from the checkpoint in front of it, though one I recognized. "Identify yourself!"

"It's just me Kevin, it's okay. I'm fine" I managed a disheartened wave. Kevin didn't seem all that interested in if I was fine.

"No, stop Julie!" He was holding a gun and it was pointed at me. I sighed. It was easy to see why Nora had broken up with this guy.

"It's okay." I held up both hands. This was not, somehow, the homecoming I'd expected. "Not infected." I assured him for good measure.

"I said stop, Julie!"

"Okay. Fine. Fine." I stopped, wondering when on earth formerly laid-back Kevin had gotten this uptight. Thinking on it, probably since he began to follow in his Dad's footsteps more, taking on greater responsibilities in the Wall perimeter guards.

He checked me with the retinal scan. It beeped out the 'clear' reading, as I'd known it would.

_R didn't save you all those times for you to get infected now. _

The moment the machine beeped, the heavy metal door rolled aside. "Is she okay?" My father was the first one to appear, flanked by two more guards.

"Clear, Sir." Kevin reported, standing to attention. I sighed and waved. "Hi Dad."

"I sent half a dozen units out looking for you." He strode towards me, inspecting me from head to toes, as if searching for some sign of the outside world to have been branded into my skin. "Nora said you were taken-"

"Yeah, I was. But I escaped, and I was holed up in a house in the suburbs, and then I found a car, so, came here." I shrugged. Dammit, was it infectious? I didn't even think about telling Dad the truth. Whatever I felt about R, I owed him my protection now. I couldn't physically save him the way he had me, but I could keep the dangers of my word away from him.

"Julie, are you sure nothing bit you?" Jesus, this paranoia after the relative relaxtion (aside from the four times I almost got eaten) of staying with R was stressful. "Do I look infected to you, Dad?"

"We have to be safe." He reminded me, and the word sent a sharp pang of longing off inside me.

"Yeah, I know." I murmured, then collected myself. "I'm fine, though. I'm home."

Finally, the robot-General facade cracked a little and he bent to hug me. "I thought I lost you."

"Well, you didn't Dad. I'm here." Soon to be back, behind the Wall.

"Welcome home." Except this didn't feel like home anymore. The word 'home' made me remmber the way R said it when he brought me to his plane. Crap, I couldn't be missing him, could I? I couldn't stop thinking about him.

"Yeah. Good to be back." I couldn't stop myself from glancing up at the impossible high plates of overlapping metal. Dad guided me back inside, and the dull clang of the door closing behind us pealed away on a note of finality.

I talked Dad out of stopping at the hospital, and we went straight home. Dad fussed for an hour or so, but he wasn't cut out for it and thankfully his job soon began to put calls for him in. It took me another half-hour to convince him that he should go, that I was just going to shower and then relax for the afternoon. I promised to call Nora to come over later, so I wouldn't be alone.

Once he was gone, I did have a shower, blissfully hot thanks to the solar hot-water system. Padding in a bathrobe and toweled-up hair into my bedroom, I paused. Everything was familiar. I settled into my chair at the desk and reached for my sketchbook automatically. Funny, I hadn't thought about art for the entire time I'd been with R, but now it was all I could think of. I took a charocoal pencil and let my mind and body de-stress, shading and sweeping lines across the paper. Of course I was well over half-way through before I realized whose face was taking shape, and I stopped and stared down at R's features.

_Why did I draw him? _

Nora chose that moment to arrive, the door banging loudly as she let herself in with her key. "Julie!" she called, and I stopped worrying if I was disappointed or relieved that I didn't have to figure out an answer. "Up here!" I hastily closed the sketchbook and found Nora bounding up the stairs. It was so incredibly good to see her, unharmed, all her usual sparkling energy and flare. "I'm so glad you're okay!" I jumped down the stairs two at a time to meet her in the middle, and she whirlwinded upon me, hugging me, wordless but fierce.

God, I had missed Nora. She was every bit as much my family as Dad, and she understood me a hell of a whole lot better. It was kind of surprising to find her arms locking around me with an iron-like grip - Nora had never been the most physically demonstrative person I knew. Of course, being kidnapped by a Corpse was a bit unprecedented, as well, and Nora would have obviously assumed the worst.

"You're really okay?" At length Nora let me go, and stepped back half a pace to examine me with obvious concern. I lightly socked her shoulder. "If one more person asks me that, I'm going to pistol-whip them." Nora laughed and hugged me again. I hugged her back, a rush of relief filling me that she'd made it back home after our failed salvage. I didn't know how the hell I was going to explain everything to her, though. Just as I never thought twice about telling Dad the truth, I never thought about keeping it from Nora. She knew me well enough anyway, she would have known if I tried to hide the real story from her.

Sure enough, she pulled back and stared at my face, her delight giving way to a mildly suspicious look. "What happened to you?"

"That's a long story."

She raised an eyebrow. "Well, good thing I got allocated some real food after I got back. Let's go get it, and you can tell me while we're cooking, also eating. You look..." She trailed off head on one side as she considered me. "What?"

"Julie, you- _you met someone_!" She exclaimed, instantly forgetting about our lunch plans. Damn, I had forgotten just _how_ well she knew me. "Didn't you? WHO could you have met out there? Who is he?!"

"Um, that's part of the long story." I nervously pulled my hair into a ponytail to keep it out of my eyes. "Come on, let's go get your food. I'll tell you."

Nora didn't live far away, her two-room flat just one of dozens in her building. It was one of the reasons she stayed at my place so often - Dad liked me to have the company, since he was away so often, usually for weeks at a time. "How have things been going with Kevin? He sure had a stick up his ass out at the Wall." I commented, and Nora snorted as she stashed several paper and zip-lock bags in a backpack to carry. "Don't change the subject, you're not off the hook. But we're over, again." She shook her head and sighed. "You're right about the stick. He never loosens up, you know?"

It was comfortable, if a little weird, to be back in such a normal setting, hearing Nora complain about Kevin. "Oooh, actual potatoes?" I picked one up, weighing it in my palm, hungry already.

"I know, right?" Nora smiled happily at me, shoulder bumping mine in friendly fashion. "Let's get these back to your place. I was thinking that with this, plus some of the ham your dad got yesterday, we can make a killer soup."

"Works for me. What about the potatoes? If you say you've got plans that don't involve oil and frying pans, you'll break my heart."

"Never - sounds perfect. Now - spill the beans, Grigio."

I nodded to my place, standing like a monolith on its own. "Inside?" I didn't want anyone else accidentally overhearing.

"So? Who was it?" Nora was unpacking our rations from the backpack when I answered, a little reluctantly, not sure how she would react at first. "The Corpse who took me from the salvage."

Nora dropped the bag of potatoes, the rounder ones rolling away across the floor. I chased them with a curse and stood up with them in my hands to find Nora staring at me, mouth open. "_What_?" I hastened to correct what I knew was going through her over-active imagination. "It's not what you're thinking. He saved me - he saved me a _lot_ actually." I admitted, putting the potatoes on the bench to take the backpack off of Nora, who looked as if the rest of the food might wind up on the floor at any moment. "Nora, he was different. I don't understand, but he's changing, and he _feels_, and he's learning to be human again." I got a little more passionately defensive than I'd intended, and Nora's eyebrows raised. "Details!" I sighed, and unpacked a tin of tomatoes and two of lentils. "His name is R. He brought me back to an old airport, and get this - he lives on an abandoned plane, and he collects things - he has an actual working record player and all these records, and he really listens to the music."

I knew that would get Nora's attention. She loved music as much as I did, felt its importance on our lives as deeply as me. When she was a sullen newcomer to the city, finding it hard to adjust, she'd spent hours curled up with her cracked Ipod, refusing to talk, just listening to music. "He knows how to use a record player?" Nora repeated incredulously. "Wait, back up - he has a _name_? He can _talk_?"

"Not much at first." I recalled how R had struggled to speak, pulling out a pot I passed to Nora, then a cutting board and knife I set on the benchtop. "He got better with time. Not just at talking, either."

"You better start at the start." Instructed Nora, putting the pot on the gas stove and perching on a kitchen stool, letting me prepare the meal. I didn't mind - through lack of ingredients, I barely ever got to cook anymore. I opened the fridge and found the ham, cutting the meat to leave for dad and taking the bones.

"Okay, just - keep an open mind until you hear the whole story, okay?" I put the ham on a low heat. "Do we have any chicken stock left?"

Nora rummaged in a cupboard, inspected her find, and tossed me three square blocks. "Deal."

"Okay, so I was pretty terrified of him at first. He got me into the airport and fooled the other Corpses by putting blood on my face to hide my human scent." Nora wrinkled her nose at that and I nodded in agreement, then measured water in a jug to add the stock to, and poured it into the ham pot. "I was sort of in shock, so I can't remember how far we walked to get to the airport, but it felt like forever. When we got there, he covered me with a blanket and told me 'keep you safe.'"

"Aw." Nora couldn't help herself. I rolled my eyes as I pulled out another pot to scrape the contents of the tins into. "Yeah, it was funny really. I tried to escape the next day and got caught by a mob of Corpses, and he came after me and rescued me again. He got me food from the airport, and get this - he even has a car. We drove all down the runways."

Nora pulled aside my hair, checking my forehead. "Are you sure you didn't hit your head?" I laughed and waved her away. I had discovered fresh carrots and two sticks of celery in the backpack and began to peel and chop. "No, Nora, I know it sounds wild. So he told me to wait a few days before I went home so the other Corpses would forget, but I think he just wanted me around. He was really lonely."

"A lonely Corpse? Sounds like the name of a death metal band." I threw a carrot peeling at her. "Can you be serious for one minute?"

"Sorry. So what happened?"

"Well, I sorta freaked when I saw him eating and took off again. Not my best move ever, since it was dark and I ran into another group of Corpses. I fought them off with a hedge-trimmer."

"That's my girl." Nora nodded approvingly at me. She'd placed far better in combat training than I had. She was way tougher than she looked.

"R showed up just as one of them grabbed it off me. He beat the crap out of them all, too, you should have seen him. Just as I thought we were out of the woods-" I gestured with the peeled for emphasis. "This Boney shows up and chases up through half the airport. Finally we made it through a door with a lock, but as soon as we got outside, three more found us."

Nora shuddered. No matter how tough she was, she, like any rational human being, avioded Boneys. I thought about a decorative piece of graffiti by the subway tunnels - Beware the Boneys. Watching the vegetables tumble into the pot, I understood the warning better now.

"Nora, I can't understand why, but somehow me being around R... it began to affect the others. The three Boneys got mowed down by one of the guys who had been trying to off me inside, just a few minutes before that. And after that, when we got to the garage for the BMW, there was a whole crowd of corpses there. Okay, this is the part to keep an open mind at, right?"

Nora nodded, her eyes wide as she listened to my tale. "I was scared, and then R showed up at my side, so I... I kind of took his hand. And they all froze, like it was the most miraculous thing they'd ever seen. R led me right through the middle of them and they didn't make a single aggressive move. It was amazing."

"That's pretty impressive, Jules. What does this R character look like? I didn't really see him properly back at the lab." Of course, Nora _would_ want to know that. I dropped two cups of rice into the soup mix then moved on to chopping up both sprigs of thyme Nora had managed to get. I didn't have to think about that answer.

"Really tall, except you don't notice often because he's always slumped over, but he's not huge, he's all arms and legs - almost lanky. Black hair on the long side - not enough to put into a ponytail, but it's below his ears. If he wasn't so pale and, you know, dead, he'd be quite nice, sort of unconventionally handsome. His bone structure is amazing."

_Yep, that's all. That's the only reason you were drawing him an hour ago... his fantastic bone structure. _

Nora listened to this description with the sort of expression she got when she was listening to one of her favourite songs - dreamy and not-quite-there. She snapped out of it several seconds after I'd stopped speaking and shook her head. "Uh-oh, worse than I thought."

I sprinkled chopped thyme into the mixture. "Do you want to eat tonight or am I going to have it all myself?"

"Okay okay, I'm being good. Continue."

"Of course his car is a convertible, and it starts to rain. I'm about to die of frostbite so we pull over and find this house, or, well, R breaks the door down." Nora snorted a laugh. "We spent the night there, and NO, get your mind out of the gutter, _not_ like that." I cut her off before she could comment, poking the cooking ham bones a little more forcefully than needed. "He slept on the floor beside me." I clarified. There was just one thing I was skipping over, out of some weird, lingering loyalty to R and everything he'd done for me. I wasn't going to mention R killing Perry. That was between him and me.

_And Perry_.

"So... when I woke up this morning, he was actually sleeping."

Nora's blue eyes widened. "Sleeping? Corpses don't sleep." She pointed out helpfully. I sighed. "R did. And he was talking in his sleep. Really talking, and I suppose... I freaked out, because I was going home, and he obviously couldn't come, and I didn't know what to do. It seemed like too much, so I... I snuck out and left him there before he woke up."

Nora sucked in a breath, looking as horrified by this revelation as I still felt now. Despite the warm cooking smells that now filled the kitchen, my appetite had vanished. "That's it?"

"That's it. Don't start with me, Nora. I feel bad enough." My scowl must of convinced her. I did manage to eat something of our soup, but even though it was nice, and kind of amazing to be eating real fresh food, my heart wasn't in it. We saved the uneaten half of the soup for tomorrow, and didn't even mention our plans to make the home-fries. Afterwards Nora washed the dishes while I sponged down the counters. Only once we'd retreated to my room, night having fallen, did Nora bring up the topic again.

"Do you really think that they could change, like R did?"

"I don't know. But it's possible... I mean, what do we know about Corpses really?" The train of thought stuck with me as Nora shrugged, the gesture annoying me as it had with R. "No, I'm serious Nora! I mean, 'Corpse' is just a stupid name _we_ came up with for a state of being that we don't understand." I pointed out, then blinked. I hadn't stopped thinking about this... _about R_... all day. "Oh my god. What is wrong with me." I groaned, dropping my head into my hands. It was all meant to be better once I got home. Things would go back to normal.

Except that the longing to see R again had grown stronger and stronger, a longing relentlessly pushing itself to the forefront of my conscious. Nora sat on the foot of my bed, watching me with worried eyes.

"Okay - I gotta tell you something. This is kinda weird, please do not freak out."

"No." Nora shook her head.

"_I actually miss him_." It was a vast relief to say it out loud.

"You miss... him." Nora checked, waving a hand at me then at a fictional, invisible R beside me.

"I know, I feel stupid." I sighed. Nora carried on with her train of thought. "Like you're... _attracted_ to him..."

"No!" Where did she get these ideas?

"Like... he could be your boyfriend? Your zombie boyfriend?" Nora was half teasing, half serious. I refused to look at her, pulling one of my pillows into my lap. "I mean, I know it's hard to meet guys right now, with the Apocalypse and stuff... trust me... and Julie, I know you miss Perry... but this is weird. Like... I wish the Internet was still working so I could just lookup, whatever it is that's wrong with you."

I laughed and threw the pillow at her. "Shuttup." Nora retreated to behind my bed pole, and I shifted my weight. "Okay, I'm getting ready for bed."

"Hey." Nora caught my attention. "I'm glad you're back." She told me sincerely. I sat still, feeling a flash of warmth, followed by one of regret. Yes, I had missed my best friend, but was I really happy to be back? "Yeah." I said at length. Nora backed out of my room with a teasing smile. "Have sweet dreams about your zombie." She said in a sing-song, and I had to grin. "All right." I said to humor her, unable to stop a laugh escaping. She really was a bit crazy, but then who was I to talk? I had arguments with myself on a daily basis. I still loved her, wacky or not - she was my closest friend in the world.

She opened the door and slipped out into the hall towards the bedroom down from mine. I sat for a moment, hugging my knees, bedclothes covering my feet. It was cold, but I was feeling restless, and I wanted some fresh air to clear my head. I pushed open the balcony doors and stepped outside, going to sit on one of the ornamental cement posts that braced the wroght-iron.

I gazed down at the mostly shadowy landscape, then out over the city. I don't think I'd even been sitting for ten seconds when the voice called my name out of the darkness.

"Julie. Julie!"

Of course, I recognized the voice even before I turned my head and saw him, red hoody and all.

R.

* * *

**A/N - I leave this story in mean places, don't I? I can't quite believe that I churned the longest chapter for this fic yet out in a single day. Don't expect this sort of speed all the time, okay? I've had some particularly awesome reviews though and every time I get one I go to myself 'drop what you're doing and go write!' - not always possible, but it is VERY motivational, I can assure you all. I do have a question to ask my readers that I would love an honest answer to - is this chapter _less_ interesting than the others because there is no R in it?  
**

** And, for a bit of randomness, I thought I'd share a status update a friend of mine posted while I was writing because it reminded me so **_**very**_** much of how I'm writing Julie... and spookily, the friend who posted this shares her name. -cue Law&Order sound effect- **

**Friend: People who talk to themselves tend to be the most awesome and intelligent people. Did you know that? Yes, I did know that. Thank you for asking. **

**Me: You don't say? Who doesn't say? None of your business!**

**Friend: Haha Chris, another awesome and intelligent person ;) **

**Me: You said it! Who said it? I told you to mind your own business!**

**So Julie and Nora probably aren't the only crazy ones around here, as you can see :D**


	8. With a little Luck

"Oh my god." I thought at first I was dreaming. What other explanation could their be? R was here, in my city, standing under my balcony. "R!" I exclaimed, surprised to find myself not waking up. "What are you doing here?!" I dug my fingers into the cement post. It chilled my fingers. Too much detail for a dream.

"Came to see you." R's big eyes gazed up at me, filled with contentment. I, on the other hand, was far more worried about somebody hearing our conversation and coming to investigate. "R, you can't just do that. It's dangerous!"

As if confirming my worries, Nora called sleepily from her room. "Grigio, shut up, I'm trying to sleep." R looked over his shoulder, finally picking up on my unease, though he didn't seem all that bothered.

"Uh - sorry!" I could barely glance away from him, standing down below with the same sort of smile when I'd first asked him if he wanted me to call him R.

"Jesus, R!" I had to get him to understand. I would be helpless to protect him if someone came along. Nearly everybody had at least a pistol they carried with them - he could he shot before I could blink. "The people here, they're not like me. If they see you, you will get killed, do you understand that?"

R dipped his head in a firm nod. "Yes."

_He's here anyway. He came to see you even though he knows he's risking his own life to do it. _

"Are you talking to yourself?" That was Nora's voice, and it wasn't coming from her room this time - she was in mine. "No!" I yelled back, panicking. R didn't have anywhere to hide! "Okay like seriously, what is going on out here, Julie?"

_Tell R to run! Tell Nora to stay inside! Tell- _

_Too late. _

Nora stepped out onto the balcony and immediately saw R, who wasn't exactly inconspicuous with his red hoody and the giveaway paleness of his skin. Nora, her jaw falling open, figured things out right away. "Ohmigod, is that him?"

"Yyy-eeah." I managed. What else was I going to say?

_Zombie boyfriend, Zombie-_

_SHUTTUP! _

R nervously fluttered a little wave at Nora. Her eyes were almost as large as his as she swallowed, then too-casually raised her hand. "Sup."

This was _waaaay _too weird. I groaned and put a hand to my forehead, steadied myself, and took a deep breath. Nora and R were staring at one another - R with an expression that suggested he was waiting to be fired upon, Nora with one as if she expected R to sprout fangs and jump to the top of the balcony in one leap.

"Okay, you two are really weirding me out. More than usual. Everyone, inside now, before a patrol comes by. You-" I pushed Nora back towards the bedroom. "This door. R, that door." I pointed to the front, pulling Nora with me. I glanced over my shoulder, reassuring myself that R was still there, and when I saw that he was, I smiled.

It was really good to see him.

An emotion that increased tenfold when I opened the front door, Nora safely left in my bedroom after promising I'd bring R up to meet her. The strength of my feeling at seeing him standing on my doorstep made my heartrate double. I wondered, if his had been beating, would it match mine?

He gazed steadily at me, looking me right in the eyes. There was his usual shyness apparent in his expression, but there was also a more unfamiliar resolution. "I'm sorry." He didn't stumble. I moved towards him, checking him anxiously, still amazed that he'd made it here without being harmed.

"I know. I'm sorry too." Seeing him now, I realized that I shouldn't have left him. I hadn't felt complete since doing so, but I did now.

R's gaze finally dropped, shyness stronger now. "Umm..." He trailed off, glancing quickly back at me, and with a smile I reached out for him and hugged him tightly. Connected to him, he was so much bigger than his bony figure suggested, but the surprise came when I tucked my head against his neck and shoulder. He was faintly warm to the touch. He'd always seemed cool to me before, but not this time. I could even feel warmth under my palms, resting lightly on his back, radiating through his shirt and jacket.

"I actually missed you." I murmured to him, unwilling to pull back and break the moment. His arms had come up, holding me securely, surely. He wasn't shy now - he was holding onto me with a grip like a bear. "Me too." My heart bumped happily in my chest. The longer we stayed like this the more aware I became of his heat. "It's funny, you feel warmer than I remember."

He lifted his head up slowly as a siren sounded, and I reluctantly loosened my grip on him. My body instantly missed his as he parted. "That's the patrol. C'mon." I drew him up the step. "Inside."

R stared in surprise once the door was safely closed, chin tilting up as he took in the wide expanse of our foyer. I'd never liked the massive house that came with Dad's position, drafty and empty with just the two of us. My entire class and their families could have lived here - Dad and I just wasted all this space. R seemed pretty overwhelmed though, and I took his arm, guiding him towards the stairs. "You're lucky my Dad got pulled into some emergency thing. You're safe here tonight, R, but after that... I don't know what we're going to do." Maybe I could hide him... he wasn't exactly noisy. No, that wasn't practical. How would I feed him? R wasn't a puppy I'd rescued from an alley. (I'd done that once. Dex was some sort of shepherd cross and once he reached a year in age, my father donated him to the wall guard.)

Upstairs, Nora couldn't stop staring, caught somewhere between nervousness and fascination. R shuffled nervously under her amazed gaze. "Nora, this is the guy I told you about, R. R, this is Nora. She usually stays with me when my Dad's away."

Nora held out a hand, looked panicked for a moment, then relieved when R took her hand and shook it once. I watched, a little amused. "Sit down, R." I checked the balcony doors were securely fastened. We had been lucky so far that nobody had cottoned on to R being here.

Nora, her worry having dulled as her curiosity grew, began to question R like he was on a game show lightning round. "How'd you die?"

"I don't... remember."

"How old are you?" R, looking very concerned, shrugged. Nora continued her analysis. "Because you could be twentysomething, but you could also be a teenager, you know, you have one of those faces."

I groaned and put my head in one hand. "Ohmigod." Nora... unstoppable.

"And I can't even smell- you don't smell rot- he doesn't _smell_ rotten." She exclaimed, and I padded over to rescue R from my crazy best friend. "Amazing." She leaned forward to get a better look at him. "Nora, _stop_." I insisted. "He didn't come here for an interview."

Nora thankfully toned it down, sitting back even if she did keep staring. She was worse than R when he first met me. I looked over to her subject. "Why did you come here, R?"

"To - to show everyone."

"Show them what?"

"We can... change." So it wasn't just me - he _was _changing. "R, no one here is ever gonna buy that." I hated telling him that. "Not that we could get you even close enough to tell them. As soon as they saw you, they would blow your head to bits." Seeing R's hopeful expression fall was awful. "Wait... did you say 'we'?" R was one thing... but the others?

"Lots of us... changing. D-dreaming." He confirmed, with a little smile. Dreaming? Which meant _they were sleeping_. It hadn't seemed so weird when R did it. A whole room full of sleeping Corpses, though? Dreaming, sleeping Corpses?

"That's... kind of a big deal."

"We have to move, fast." He looked worried now. I wanted to hug him again. "Boneys... chasing me. Chasing _us_." He emphasized the last word in a way I didn't think he was able to do.

Us_. Us_... the last word repeated itself in my mind. There was an _us_. I shook the thought off, trying to focus on the _Boneys coming after _part of that sentence instead.

"Okay, we have to go to my dad."

Nora quickly grounded me. "No, that is a _very _bad idea."

"No, Nora, he was a reasonably guy once." I argued my cause. Nora just laughed.

"No no, I think you are confused. It was your _Mom_ who was the reasonable one, it was your _Dad_ who grounded you for a year for stealing peach schnapps, are you serious, it's your dad who likes to shoot corpses in the head!"

"What other choice do we have, Nora?" If she had any better ideas, now would be the time. Silence. I felt frustration rise up. How could we manage this? "Still, we'd have to get him through the city." I put my head on one side as I turned back to R, studying his pale complexion, so familiar to me now I could see him with my eyes closed. "Someone would definitely see you."

"Not much time." Yeah, he was worried. It was Nora who came up with a solution. "We could fix him up."

Both R and I turned to look at her. She was thoughtfully biting her lower lip. "What?"

"I have some makeup that I was saving for a special occasion that obviously isn't going to happen." She explained. R's face became less expressionless with every word she spoke. I'd never seen him look so horrified, not even when the Boney was chasing us. My mind had leaped forward, though. A disguise! It wouldn't take much. "Yeah... yeah we could! I mean... we could put on a little bit of... foundation... maybe a little blush..." I winced, then glanced at Nora. Let's be realistic here. "Probably a LOT of blush."

"No way." That was R's input, who looked at us both like we were talking about roasting him in a firepit. I had to laugh. "Yeah way!" He still looked terrified, and some of my humour faded. I reached out for him, let my fingertips rest against his cheekbone. "R, just trust me?"

The panic dulled immediately, and his eyes softened. Goosebumps raised over my arms, and I hoped he didn't notice.

_How long are you going to keep denying this? _

_Denying what? _

_Your heart. _

"We're going to have to do something about the clothes though. Do you have anything that could pass on a guy?" Perfect timing, Nora. She gave R's jacket sleeve a tweak, wrinkling her nose. R looked a little affronted but I sort of saw her point. "Plenty." My entire wardrobe consisted of shirts and jeans - I wasn't one for frills and ruffles and pretty dresses, even if those things had been practical. I pulled out a blank t-shirt and frowned, recalling how R hadn't seemed all that big until I hugged him. My mind replayed the scene at the door back to me like an instant replay and I blushed, holding up the shirt to screen myself. "Maybe not. R, can you take your hoody off?"

He got a little caught with one sleeve and I absently went to help him. Unfortunately that put me very close to R in just his patchy white t-shirt and I was starting to wonder why I'd ever thought he was skinny. No Corpse ought to have muscle structure like that. To distract myself I held up the shirt, which was big on me, and sighed when it became startlingly obvious that R was not going to fit into my clothes. I had to drag my gaze away from him.

"No way is R going to fit into anything I own, and I don't think dressing him in Dad's clothes is the best impression to make on him."

"Well, we could just wash the clothes he has on." Nora offered, and after considering, I nodded. "Yeah." I agreed. I looked back at R, all nervous and wide-eyed, and felt a rush of affection. He'd risked a lot, coming here. I reached out and ran my hand through his unruly hair. "And I think that hair of yours needs a bit more than a style while we're here. You can have a shower and give it a wash too." He still looked leery, so I reached for his hand to reassure him. "R, relax. I bet you haven't had a shower in ages, and even by today's water-conscious standards you're pushing it." I teased, getting up and pulling him with me. He was doubtless heavier than me, but he cooperated. Silently, as if he were struggling to form a protest, which only saw the light once I led him into the bathroom. "Do I - have to?" That raised a brow. I'd never heard R protest anything before (apart from his criticism of my repeated escape attempts) and it was very... human. However nice it was to see him standing on his own two feet, I wasn't about to let him off the hook.

"_Yes_." I insisted, letting go of the hand in mine and pointing him in the direction towards the bath. "We even have actual soap and shampoo and conditioner, since my Dad thinks salvaging things like that for me replace him never being around. I'll leave a towel here, and if you just... drop your clothes outside the door we'll get them cleaned. Well, cleaner, since we are on the clock." I bustled around the bathroom, passing him the small bottles and the towel as I spoke. He looked down at them blankly. "Umm.. Julie? I don't... remember... um, what to do."

I smiled at him, knowing the effort it had taken to get to this point - hearing the note that asked for help. "Oh right, sorry. This bottle is like liquid soap, you use that on your body - and that one is shampoo, which you rub into your hair and then rinse out, then you do the same thing with this one. Be careful not to get any of it in your eyes, it stings." I warned, then touched the nozzle in the shower. "The tap here, just pull the lever up to turn it on, then away from the wall to make it colder and towards the wall to make it warmer, but the hot water won't last very long, just to warn you." I waited a few beats until he nodded and put the bottles on the side of the bath. With a quick squeeze of his hand, still pleased at his temperature, I left him to it.

What did it mean? The change in R's temperature wasn't just something in my head. I had touched him, or he me, several times at the airport. Now he was different.

_Add it up, Grigio. The sleeping. Dreaming. Warmth. _

R's clothes appeared outside the door, and I glimpsed only a flash of his arm before he pulled it back. The water started, and I collected his clothes and detoured to the laundry to put them on the fastest cycle my machine had.

Back in my bedroom Nora was setting out small compartments and bottles with obvious glee. When I came in, she grinned wickedly at me. "Not tempted to stay in there and help him?" She gestured to the bathroom with an overly innocent eyebrow raise.

"NORA."

"What? I'm just saying."

"Well _don't_!"

"He's awfully cute, for a dead guy. And very smitten with you."

"Smitten isn't a word that anybody uses anymore. Besides, how could you tell?"  
The grin became one of victory. She knew she had me. "The way he looks at you. Like you're light, or air, like he can't live without you."

"Very poetic. Weren't you the one telling me this was weird all of an hour ago?" _Somebody has to remain the voice of reason here. _

"That was before I met him. You're right, he isn't like the others. He really... I don't know, comfortable? You would think being in the same room as a Corpse would be terrifying but he's just... well..."

"_R_." I finished for her, with a small smile. I knew what she was getting at. I'd spent the last few days coming to the same conclusions. It didn't even surprise me really, that R had won Nora over so fast, and without evening trying. He had a sort of charm all of his own.

"I still can't believe you spent so long with him. Why do you think he's so different?" Nora had picked up one of my paintbrushes and idly played with the bristled end.

"Maybe the potential was always there - you should see his plane and all his stuff, I can't imagine many Corpses have a pad like his. So he just needed a push in the right direction."

"Does he really not remember his life? His Life life I mean?"

"Nothing that he remembers. Except for the 'R' part of his name." I took the paintbrush off her before she could ruin it. They were hard to come by.

"What are you going to do?" Nora was staring at me in her usual frank, openly curious way. My shoulders drooped. I wished I knew.

"I don't know, Nora. I haven't figured anything out, I don't know if this will work. Even if Dad listens to us tonight, what - he's going to give his blessing to me and a-" I cut off, feeling dishonest as the word Corpse sprung to mind, feeling dishonest to talk about R when he wasn't there. He might he Dead but I didn't have to treat him like he was. "Let just let him have his shower and see what we can do afterwards."

Good old Nora and her ability to leapfrog wildly between topics, even angst-filled, life-changing ones to downright indecent ones.

"Go on, admit it. You're wondering what he looks like naked." I sighed and put my head back in my hands. Unbelievable. "Don't you have some makeup to prepare?"

"Do you think his equipment even still works? I mean, you never see Corpses having kids, so it stands to reason that it might not

I gave a muffled groan. "_No_-ra! I am not planning on sleeping with him!"

"You mean, not right away, or not at all? Because if you're not..." Nora wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, a teasing grin on her face. I threw a pillow at her, and with the ease of long practice from being my best friend, she caught it and sailed it back onto the bed. "Don't tell me you haven't thought about it at least."

"_No_-oo, I haven't!"

_Okay, maybe in passing as part of a completely fictional future senario?_

_Not information Nora needs to know. And no! _

"He barely even looks like a Corpse, you realize? Apart from his skin tone." Nora compared two shades of blush, frowning thoughtfully.

"I realize, I thought the same myself. I noticed pretty quickly after I met him. I even thought his eyes looked kind of more blue than they did at first, but I told myself that was crazy. He..." I hesitated. "He couldn't really be... coming back to life, could he?" I hadn't allowed myself to think about this possibility.

"Why not? Is that really any harder to believe than an infection that turns people into Corpses?" Nora gave me an expectant look. I struggled to come up with a response, and her expression softened, reaching out to take my hand. "He's in love with you, Julie."

"What? No he's not!"

"We just went over this."

"You said he was _smitten_ with me, not that he's in _love_!" I was having a hard time keeping my amazement down. Where did Nora come up with this stuff anyway? Nora laughed at my expression. "I didn't think you believed it." She patiently gave me a few minutes, then, when I still came up with nothing, she sighed. "Julie, I know you feel bad about Perry. It's who you are - you take everybody else's worries onto your own shoulders. It's why you struggled when Perry shut you out, refused to let you help." At the mention of Perry, my eyes teared up. Oh, just great. _Now_ I was going to cry over him? Nora sat down next to me on the couch, putting an arm around me without making a fuss over my tears. She knew that only made me more emotional. "Jules, look. I agree the timing is screwed up. But R isn't like him, and he's here, now, and he needs you in a way that Perry never did."

"Perry did need me." I sniffled, wiping my cheeks with the back of my hand. "He needed my optimism to keep his, and I wasn't... enough."

"It's not your fault." Nora was very sure. "You know what Kevin told me about that salvage? He said Perry _requested_ it. In fact, he said he was ready to take on a salvage that nobody else wanted to do because it was too far, too dangerous. You saw how Perry was, and that's why you wanted to go with him. You knew what he was doing. He had given up. He took you right up to R's doorstep, and while he didn't do that part on purpose... maybe it was meant to be, Julie. Your destiny, and R's, meant to meet right where you did."

I finally got a hold on my tears. "When did you get into all this new-age bullshit?" I tried for a teasing tone. Nora didn't laugh though. She was perfectly serious, her blue eyes calm and accepting on mine.

"When I saw the way R looked at you. Julie, no one in this entire city is as determined as you are. The two of you will figure it out. And I'll help you."

I was at a loss for words, but it was at that point the washing machine beeped, and I retreated to the laundry to escape any more life-altering revelations. Nora smiled after me and turned back to setting out the makeup.

R's patchy offwhite shirt and the boxer shorts were almost dry after the spin cycle, but the heavier jeans and hoody I pegged on the balcony for the wind to help along the process. When I came back inside the sound of the water had stopped. Nora didn't say anything else, just nodded lightly at me in a 'go on' gesture.

I knocked on the bathroom door. "You finished R? I've got your clothes here." Some of them at least.

"Um, Julie?" There was no small amount of stress in his voice.

"R? Are you okay?" My brow furrowed in worry.

"I dropped the towel." I choked slightly, this coming on the heels of all Nora's comments. It took me several seconds to figure out why R was having a problem with a dropped towel.

"Oh - right, you got it wet? I'll get you another one."

I knocked again once I returned, hesitation almost making me backtrack and go back the way I'd come. "R, it's me. Just... pick up the first towel and wrap it around your waist for a second? I'm coming in." I counted steadily to ten, then five just to give him plenty of time. I barely let my gaze register the image of R in towel only as I set his clothes on a chair, cursing Nora for making me feel so awkward around him. "I had to hang your hoody and jeans out on the balcony because they haven't dried off really well yet. Can you make do with these just while we fix you up?"

He nodded several times and I finally stepped closer, unconsciously searching for the blue in his eyes as I reached up to put the towel around R's neck. Water was running down his still-soaking hair and into his face and I lingered where I was for a moment, ruffling his hair with the towel to remove the worst of the water. "This is the last one we have, so don't drop this one in the bath or anything."

I had tried for a weak joke, but a scar on his chest got my attention and once my attention strayed I couldn't un-see the rest of his body, my eyes drawn automatically to sweep down his chest and stomach. It was not the sort of reaction Nora had been teasing me about. Instead, horror made my breath stop short and my hands freeze just over his chest.

He'd been shot. And stabbed, as the wound where the knife I had thrown at him gave away. There were bullet holes in his otherwise smooth skin - how many years worth? What had he gone through? The irrational panic center of my brain screamed out, _he's hurt, he needs a doctor_!

But these wounds weren't bleeding. R didn't need a doctor. Without meaning it, just to be sure, I gently placed my hand over his heart, where my knife had stuck. "R." I breathed, still shocked at what I was looking at. Slowly I explored in a line up his chest, checking on the closest of the bullet holes. It looked raw and red, surrounded by a network of spiderwebed blue-black veins. The water had gone cold and the droplets that clung to his skin felt icy.

_Perry - Perry shot R._

_So he has a scar from both of us. _

A sigh from R's lips made me remember what I was doing. "You're so warm." He murmured. The words - raspy but otherwise smoothly flowing words - set off a pang of longing in me. R had goosebumps dotting the otherwise smooth planes of his arms. I had a crazy urge to rub my hands along them to warm him up.

_O-kay. Time to get back to reality. _

"You feel freezing, I told you that hot water wouldn't last. Dry yourself off and get dressed before you catch a cold or something, okay?" I pulled my hand away, hoping my reluctance to do so wasn't obvious, and smiled at R. "Nora's getting your makeup ready."

R looked pained at this reminder. I grinned and retreated outside, pausing for a moment once the door closed behind me to lean against the frame. Seeing R battered, his body painfully trying to repair itself from wounds inflicted by bullets and knives, had shaken me more than I hoped I'd shown. A wash of protectiveness flooded me, a longing to make sure that nobody ever shot him again. Was I right - could he recover? Was Nora right - did he love me?

_Maybe that's why the Boneys are after you both. _

_How could they even know!? _

_The other Corpses knew. In the carpark, and the one who was tyring to kill you one minute and rescuing you the next. _

_R must be right... they might all be... _

_Yes - Whatever it is that you two have, it's infecting the others. _

Realizing I was still leaning up against the door - I could even hear the faint sounds R made as he moved, presumably dressing - I hastily straightened up and went back to Nora. She studied me with her 'I want to know every detail' look but thankfully for me R came back into the bedroom, face filled with trepidation.

"Okay, R, just sit here." I had a comfortable chair in front of the vanity Nora had set up shop. R sat, but he still didn't look happy. I smiled to myself and quickly brushed his hair back from his face with my fingers, so Nora and I could see him a bit better. Nora, behind me, was setting her Ipod in its dock. There was a few moments' silence then I recognized a familiar song beat. I shot Nora my best 'you're being childish' look, but she just grinned.

"Would you change this song please?!"

"What? It's funny." Nora defended her choice of 'Pretty Woman' and I snorted. "No it's not." Nora consented at least to change the song, and we got to work. R was a terrible model - he couldn't hold himself still, forever trying to see what we were doing to him, but I couldn't get mad at him. He was just nervous. I left Nora concentrating on the makeup while I brushed his hair, properly this time. Either he hadn't used enough conditioner, or it didn't have that much effect on hair left unwashed for years, because he had seemingly hundreds of knots. I worked patiently through them, putting down the brush and just using my fingers half the time, noticing that R was finally sitting still and looking more relaxed. (Apart from when I accidentally yanked his hair) Finally he was untangled and I brushed his now-smooth hair idly while Nora put the finishing touches of his facial makeup on. When she was done I went to fetch R's hoody and jeans, and with a new tension filling the air, we got ready to set R on the city - or maybe set the city on him would be more appropriate.

The tension faded however when I came back from straightening up the bathroom and Nora and I found R fulled dressed, staring in surprise at his reflection. We both stared too, taking in the full impact - me in particular, since I hadn't really paid attention as Nora finished his makeup. She summed it up nicely.

"Hold up - you look hot!"

I went to say his name, but it didn't come out. Nora was right - he _was_ hot. It was still recognizably him, but with colour accenting his lovely cheekbones, a tentative smile on his normal-coloured lips.

Looking at him made me believe we really had a shot at this. We were really going to do it, and somewhere along the line I had to figure out exactly what was happening to R and his kind, and what it meant for R and I.

* * *

**A/N - First of all BIG thanks to all my reviewers! Traditionally my best proofreading does not happen at this time of night and I've probably missed several mistakes, but I was so eager to get this chapter up for you all - reward for so many and such wonderful reviews is the longest chapter yet. So many people reviewing is just all this fuel for me to write write write. I think you brought me luck, too, because for those up to date with my car saga, I finally brought one today :D **

**Next chapter will be two or three days away as my weekend begins on Fridays! Let me know what you thought of this one guys - I'll be writing! **


	9. Impossible Dreams

The temperature had dropped and I was relieved for long sleeves as we stepped outside. I paused to lock the door and we fell into a loose formation with R in between Nora and I. I found that I was studying the way R was walking, surprised by the ease of it - I remembered a far more lurching gait, the occasional stumble, rarely moving swiftly unless there was some direct threat to me. Funny, I'd only ever seen him move fast in my defense. For a Corpse it would usually be the opposite reason. Now, R strode along rapidly, matching pace with us, and standing up straight while he did so. As we threaded through the shacks and tents towards headquarters I guided him lightly around obstacles or around a corner, feeling the tightness of his back against my hand. His posture might have looked more relaxed than what was usual, but his expression and those taunt muscles betrayed tension. He wasn't happy about being here, though I couldn't figure out it was because he was in the middle of a human city or that we were under threat from murderous skeletons. (or maybe because we was doing it in makeup?) I wasn't exactly happy myself.

_Happy about taking your Zombie boyfriend - dammit Nora! - to meet your father. This is not going to end well. _

There was no other way but to get my Dad onside, I thought, peeking up at R's face. In profile and in the low light he looked... handsome. Human, and handsome. Thankfully, the first bunch of people we'd passed close by to didn't raise the alarm. Either because he was with us, or because we'd done the trick and disguised him successfully as a human (I had to actively remind myself now that he wasn't), R wasn't questioned.

Was my Dad going to question him? Damn Nora and her negative outlook. Now even I was getting nervous. I glanced up at R - solid and reassuring. We couldn't fail. I understood now that it wasn't just R who needed me, but I needed him just as much. If we had any sort of future, it lay this way.

"What?" He'd noticed me staring. "Nothing." I told him, too quickly. He returned my look, expectant. "It's just... you look nice." I explained, though R looked as if he was a long way from believing that.

"I don't know how my Dad's gonna be, he gets kinda crazy, this might not work." I admitted, a little surprised when R caught held of my hand and stopped us, while Nora drifted on ahead. "Hey." He was getting bolder, more sure of himself. Holding R's hand was somehow both soothing and electrifying at the same time - soothing because it set off the same reassurance as when I'd first held it back at the airport, but the opposite in the reaction it sparked all along my arm.

"No matter what, we stay together." I'd never seen him look so earnest. He ducked his head down towards me, speaking softly, meaningfully, just for me to hear. "We're changing everything."

"I know." I understood now. It was incredible, what we'd built together in less than a week, how much we needed each other. It scared me, robbed the words I thought about saying before they made it to my lips. If my feelings could be this strong in a matter of days, what would they be like in a month? Three months?

_If, of course, you survive that long. _

_Thank you, for that optimism. _

"Stay together." He said it way religious people named their deity. His eyes, troubled, never left mine. "Promise?"

"I promise." It was an easy answer for me. If there was danger coming, no matter what direction it sprung from, we would have one another when we stood before it.

R continued to stare down at me with an intensity that no longer bothered me. For just a few precious moments I relaxed, taking enough happiness at just standing there, holding R's hand and looking into his eyes, to last a lifetime. I only noticed Nora when she began gesturing vaguely, calling us back to the present, and I nodded with some reluctance towards my friend. "Come on."

"Hey. It's game time." Nora was ready - as always. She hardly looked threatening - hands in her jacket pockets, she all pretty blue eyes and feminine curves - but I had seen my best friend in action before. She could look after herself. In that way she reminded me of R. A lot more going on than commonplace appearance suggested. "All right. Let's do this." I agreed. We'd done everything we could. Time to see if our plan would work. We headed purposefully towards my father's headquarters.

"Excuse me!" Oh crap. This was the worse time in the world for Kevin to act like a dick. He strode towards us now with his dark eyes suspicious. "Where you guys headed?"

I wildly thought that Nora was going to say something off the planet, like 'we're going in to perfect the design of our hidden pipe bombs' so I hastily replied before she could. "To see my Dad, Kevin." I kept my chin high and I moved forward, but I only made it one step before Kevin moved in front of me. "Miss Grigio, I can't let you guys in." Kevin was two years older than me and had know me since he was eleven. I didn't appreciate the 'miss'. He's been even more of a dickhead than usual since he and Nora split up... again. "We're on high alert around here."

"Why?" I looked over my shoulder - Nora looked annoyed, R intently nervous as they both listened to our conversation. "What's going on?"

"It's classified." Kevin is not a bad guy, but there were definitely times when I wanted to put my elbow soundly into his ribcage. Nora must have picked up on my rising annoyance and decided it was time for her to step in. She might not want to be with Kevin right now, and that was a sentiment I understood, but she didn't want his nose broken, either. "Alright, well, we have our own classified business, so come _ooon_."

She pushed past Kevin impatiently and I followed quickly on her heels before we lost the opportunity. I hadn't realized R's hand was no longer holding mine.

"Hey." When I turned I found Kevin eyeballing R, who looked more nervous by the second. It was probably just that Kevin, having known both Nora and I for so long, was suspicious that we had a stranger in tow tonight. We couldn't afford to be caught up in a questioning session now. While Nora and I stood frozen, both searching for a way to get R out of Kevin's scrutiny, he managed an attempt at saving himself.

"How are you?" I was proud of how R had spoken, but at the same time I wanted to laugh at the look of triumph on his face. Nora hastily went back, snatched R's elbow and towed him in her wake past Kevin. "He's FINE!" She growled at him, her tense shoulders falling once we were inside the tent. "Sometimes I don't know what I see in that man..." She pushed R gently at me. He looked puzzled by the words. I took his arm. "This way - don't get her started on Kevin or we'll be here all night." I rolled my eyes. R looked confused but he followed willingly enough.

It was way too late for this much activity, even at headquarters, and I grew suspicious watching the armed troops march purposefully by and methodical loads of supplies being stacked into our few functional jeeps. Kevin had told as much, but now I could see for myself - something big was going down. Was Dad aware that there were Boneys looking for us? No, of course he wouldn't know they were looking for me and R specifically, but doubtless he had picked up on them, and if that was true, they weren't far away. The cage was growing ever higher around us.

_Okay. Okay, a plan. A plan would be good. _

Getting my father's support _still_ like the best answer I could come up with. And we had to do so quickly.

"Okay, you guys wait here." I picked a corner with relatively little activity, in the shadow of a jeep aside for service. Scanning the room for my dad, I took a deep breath when I spotted him.

_Now or never. _

_Never being the preferred option, but here we go anyway. _

He spotted me and his face hardened under the line of his beanie. "What are you doing here?

I didn't answer that. _Counter with a question, keep him talking_. "What is going on? What is all this?"

"Not sure. But it's not good." He began to stride down the center of the warehouse and I kept pace with him. I surreptitiously watched Nora and R dodge around the backs of jeeps and supply shelves to stay level with us. "We've been getting reports that there are sizable packs of skeletons and Corpses coming toward us. We don't know why but if they're here to attack, there's nothing we can do about it. Too many of them, too few of us."

_You did not inherit your optimism from your father. _

"So I want you to get home, lock down the house, I have the gun there, the Rugur SR-"

"This?" I held up the pistol he was talking about, then took my father's wrist to draw him aside, out of the main flow of traffic. I did not want an audience for what I had to tell him. "I need to talk to you."

"Julie, not now!" He raised a hand with a clipboard I hadn't even noticed him carrying to wave at the mass of soldiers bracing for action around us.

"Dad, It's important." I stressed. Crap, this wasn't going to work! "This is going to going to sound really crazy, but- I think the Dead are coming back to life."

"That does sound crazy." He agreed dryly.

"They're changing, Dad. They're... they're somehow curing themselves."

"You think they're curing themselves? How's that?" He wasn't buying this even a little bit.

"I saw it." Why couldn't he understand what this might mean for everyone? Living and Dead alike, we all had a chance at a real life. "It is really happening."

"No - you know what is happening, Julie? What's happening is that every day there are more of them and less of us. They are not 'curing themselves'. We're their food source, they are not becoming vegan. They don't eat broccoli, they eat brains - your mother's and your boyfriend's included. So, I want you to wake up. Okay?"

He began to walk away from me. "Get yourself home, barricade yourself in the shelter. There is enough stuff there that you can hold out for-"

R was coming right towards him. My eyes widened in shock but there was no time for a warning, to either of them.

Dad bumped into R.

For a moment they both froze. I seized the opportunity to leap around Dad to stand beside R, grabbing his hand and locking my fingers around his. I could feel the tension in him, turning his whole body into a human-esque statue. He did manage to speak, though. "Huh- Hi."

_Sort of... _

"Who are you?" Dad sounded calm - too calm. That was the low voice he used when he was about to blow up in a major way. "This is R." I introduced him. R was struggling to keep his gaze up, nervously eying his feet under my father's wilting stare.

"I didn't ask you, I asked him." He leaned towards us, the full force of that glare now targeting R. "Who are you?"

R couldn't do it. He tried, I could hear him trying, but single syllables only escaped. I could see the understanding dawning in my father's face. "You're a Corpse?" Quieter, lower, twice as dangerous. He moved closer, studying R like he was under a microscope.

"He saved my life. He took care of me." Dad had to believe me. There wasn't any other way. "I triggered something in him, and that must have sparked something in all of them."

There was so little warning before he snapped. One second he was standing there nodding as if he were actually considering my words, and I had hope that we were getting to him, and the next he whipped out one of his guns and threw R against a wall.

_DO SOMETHING DO SOMETHING, DO ANYTHING! _

"No! Dad!" I was frantic, barely able to think with the screaming inside my own head. Dad hadn't left enough room between the barrel of the gun and R for me to get between them, buy us some time. R found his voice. "We want to help."

"Please, they don't want to attack us. They want to help." I repeated desperately. "We're... we're getting better." R added.

"_No_. Things don't get better. Things get worse. People get bit, then they get infected, then I shoot them in the head." He gestured with his gun and the terror just swept me away. "No, Dad!"

"That's what happened to your mother, and that's what's going to happen to him." He raised the gun, cocking it as it pointed to the center of R's forehead. He closed his eyes, lashes impossibly dark against his skin.

It caught me by complete surprise, the outright terror I felt at that moment - believing that R was going to die right there, with me holding his arm.

_Just like your mother. You couldn't save her, either. _

_No, NO!_

"I'm really sorry, Mr Grigio." Nora sounded shaken - admittedly, not as shaken as I was - but very sure of what she was doing. And what she was doing was holding her gun against Dad's neck.

I'm ashamed to say I didn't feel, at that moment, any fear for my father. I only felt amazement. Nora had come through to protect me and R in a major way. She looked over at me, expression grim and set. "Go. Get out of here and be safe. No matter what, okay?" I knew what she was saying. _You're going to leave me here and find a way to fight this. _If it was anyone except Nora, I couldn't have left her to face my father alone.

"Julie." Dad sounded stunned. R was pulling away from him, and I kept my hand on his elbow, unable to really believe in our reprieve. "I have to go." Once the gun was pointing at empty air instead or R's head I grabbed him by the hand and ran for it. R's slightly uneven run at my side was the most welcome sight in the world. My heart continued to hammer and the panic hadn't fully subsided as we made it outside, only dulling once we'd made it around two corners without pursuit. "Okay. That could have gone better."

_That's an understatement. _

"I need to warn my friends." R told me, and I wondered who he'd brought with him in this insane quest to find me and prove himself to the city. So far we had done a _great _job with that.

"Where?"

"Stadium." R replied, right at the same time as a wailing siren and the external lights flaring to life. "Oh, shit!" Nora was busted. We were going to be next. _Please please please be safe, Nora. I can't loose anybody else. _

"Get onto the subway!" I gasped to R, and we took off running again. R helped me shift the board in front of the subway entrance and I pulled aside the netting and held it while he climbed through after me. The subways had long since been closed off to prevent unwanted entry into the city - or, I always thought, out of it.

I pulled out a small torch from my jeans to light the way along the tunnel, jumping at the sound of a scurrying rat. R followed on my heels through a flooded section, then we emerged from the subways into abandoned station and then through to the stadium. My brisk walk slowed only when we spotted the crowd. I thought at first it had to be people from my city, there were so many, but the stillness soon convinced me otherwise. "Whoa." I looked up at a smiling R, drawing close enough to him that our arms brushed. I let him take the lead but stayed close behind him. He was grinning a small grin as he looked out at the expectant crowd. I was wary, but even I could see that they didn't look dangerous. I was struck by the urge to paint the scene, wondering if I could ever get the purposefulness of the still crowd down on canvas.

"Excuse me." I heard a familiar raspy voice. The almost-bald head appeared between the other Corpses and R positively beamed. "R." He greeted him by name, then turned his grey eyes on me. "Ju-lie."

"Hi." I managed warily. He didn't look like he was about to kill me anymore, but it was hard to forget the ease with which he'd wrenched the hedge-trimmer away from me, snarled down on the verge of biting me.

"Ready for... a fight." He said it like he was trying to reassure me. I was suddenly thankful he was on our side. "Yeah. I can see that."

"S-Soldiers coming. Boneys, closing in." R warned. A metallic screen like rusty metal ripping apart split the air. All of us looked up. My heart stopped, than re-started twice as fast as normal.

An army of Boneys clung to the glass roof high overhead, like four-limbed spiders. Their snarls were clearly audible as they lifted their fists and began to smash then down, and cracking glass accompanied their sounds of anger.

"Uhh. They're here now." R's friend groaned. R looked into his face. Something passed between them, a flash of determination. I was surprised to hear R speak to this Corpse the way I'd talk to Nora. "Keep them out."

"We will." He looked up - cracks in the glass spread like veins, the screeching was growing in frequency.

"Run!"

_Good idea! _

We ran. I wasn't afraid of the Dead as we cut right through the middle of the group, my worries about them overrun in the wake of the monsters above us - Boneys began to fall from the roof behind us. We made it out into the playing field, but a couple avoided the Corpses and chased after us, gaining on us quickly, far faster than R and I could move. I shot a look over my shoulder, steadying my nerves, lining up my shot the way I'd practiced.

The recoil of the gun stung my palm, but the first of our pursuers crumpled at the sound of the gun. A second one neared us and I fired twice, both bullets hitting it in the chest. We hurtled into the opposite side of the stadium and up a dark ramp, no Boneys in sight, but more screams echoing behind us. How long could we outrun them? I was exhausted, forcing my body to keep going, keep running. My feet ached, my boots like torture devices, but there was no time to lament my choice of footwear. R and I both looked back as we picked up the sound of human voices. "This way, come on!" I called to R, detouring along a new walkway. I thought that he was right behind me, until I heard the inhuman scream.

When I turned, a Boney had R on the ground. "Ah!" I raised the gun - and was tacked around the waist before I could fire. I hit the ground, feeling the impact in my left hip and along backbone. Now I was screaming too, repulsed as the Boney flung itself down on me, raising both my arms to try and simultaneously fend it off and shoot it in the head. It flailed at me and I felt my grip loosen and the gun fly from my fingers, far out of my reach. Dimly I heard R struggling, then a sickening thud, bit the face of the monster looming over me was all I could see. I crossed my arms and shoved at its shoulders, the feel of the almost fleshless body under my hands making me shudder. Then, a swirl of motion and the flash of the colour red from the corner of my vision - and the Boney was knocked so viciously away from me it flew through the air and crashed down still.

"Thank you!" I gasped, as R helped me up. How many times had he saved me now? No time to dwell. We kept running, but we had run out of time.

Rounding a corner, we jerked to a stop to find a over a dozen Boneys, menacingly still and spread out in an expectant pattern. As if it were all a game, we'd been herded up here like lambs to slaughter. "Shit!"

R pulled me back, spotting an emergency exit, taking off for it at a run. He turned shoulder-on and threw himself at the boldly door to burst it open at the exact moment I remembered that the fire escapes on the stadium had been salvaged for the Wall.

_There's nothing there! He doesn't know! _

I made a wild, frantic grab at R and clung to his elbow and the back of his hoody so hard I lost the feeling in my fingertips, yanking him back towards me. The bright light of dawn flooded down on us, revealing the tiny platform we now stood on, no railing, nothing to stop us from falling. R twisted back to face me and my iron grip readjusted to sieze handfuls of shirt, staring like I'd handed him a year-long food supply. "R!" I'd nearly lost him, been half a foot away from watching him plummet. He was tough, but not that tough. It would have killed him, taken away the life he'd fought this hard to regain. It didn't matter that we were both about to die anyway, I couldn't let that happen to him.

_Maybe you should have. It would have been quicker. Look what you saved him for. _

The despair washed over me then, taking control of me in a moment of weakness. I looked to the stadium, to the small undead army marching towards us. All I could think was how it was so unfair. R might have a shot at life only to have it ripped away from him. He deserved a chance. He deserved to experience all the things a person should do before they died. I wanted to climb mountains with him, swim in the ocean with him... maybe teach him to swim first?... wanted to show him there was so much more to the world than a single airport and a ruined city had ever shown him. He would understand my impossible urge to travel, I knew he would. I wanted to hear him laugh, I wanted his eyes to be full of light and joy, and I wanted his arms warm around me last thing at night, both of us worn out after a long day.

"It's over." I whispered, but R shook his head sharply, animated, alive. "Keep you safe. Remember?" He looked down. There was a water feature, a shallow fountain, underneath us. I had never been afraid of heights, but as I understood just what R was planning the fright clawed at me like a beast from within. R read my expression, the way I could his now. I could see his resolution, felt the comfort in the way he reached to reassure me. "It'll be okay." His head was bent, staring intently into my eyes, and he was so close to my face we could have kissed.

Except that instead, he pulled me close against his body and stepped back with me, over the ledge and into empty space.

* * *

**A/N - Okay guys, once you're finished stalking me with hedge-trimmers for leaving you at a cliffhanger (again!) - sound off now! Next to Me, the fanfic I'm writing set after the movie, isn't far off now. When I made the decision to expand Learn to Love Again, I began writing and planning some things - from R's perspective, so virtually everything I have at this point is a sequel to that. I won't be splitting Next to Me into two fics the way I did here, with one from R and one from Julie's POV, and I at first assumed it would be all R's perspective. But I am enjoying seeing the world through Julie's eyes, so, I want your opinions, because my Warm Bodies work never would have gotten as far as it has without all you guys urging me on. Next to Me - All R's perspective, or the occasional Julie chapter to mx it up? Probably not alternating one then the other, but maybe... every third or fourth from Julie's POV, or as the storyline permits, is what I'm feeling. Thoughts? **


	10. Aftermath

I hid my face against R's shoulder, my eyes squeezed closed but my mind unable to block out the terrifying sensation of freefalling. I did feel R take a more secure grip on me, his arms crushing around my body, the wind like a scream in my ears - and then we hit the water. It was as if we'd stepped on a landmine. Even with R underneath me, taking the worst of the fall, the impact was awful. It tore him away from me, even though I grasped blindly for him. Buoyant, I rose to the surface more out of physics than any active direction from me - I don't think I was swimming, I was just reaching for R, trying to see him in the mass of blue and bubbles, then my head broke the surface of the water. I didn't care about my bruised, stinging body or the awful chill of the water clutching me. I spun around in the water, gasping. "R!" He wasn't there. The water stilled somewhat, ripples from our landing spreading out to the water's edge when I spotted him lying motionless on the bottom with his eyes closed and his dark hair floating around his face.

_Get him! Get him out!_

It didn't matter to me that he didn't need air to live, that being underwater shouldn't have been dangerous to him. My heart knew better. I barely paused to haul in a breath before I dived. My eyes remained wide open this time so I couldn't loose him. Bathed in the blue light from the water, throwing the faint scars on his face into relief, he looked almost peaceful. I wasn't fooled. Catching him around his shoulders, I lifted him with me, heading for the brightness of the sun reflecting off the surface. Drops streamed down my face as we surfaced together and I saw him bobbing loosely in my grasp, his eyes still not open.

"_R_! R, please!" I took him by the cheeks, leaned in close to look for signs of life. He bobbed dangerously low in the water, and I propped him up by grasping his shoulders. Finally, his head gave a little shake, and he gasped. My hands landed back on his cheeks as he opened his eyes.

"Are you okay?" I demanded frantically, running my hand over his head to brush the hair out of his eyes. "Uh-huh." He breathed back, sounding very much like himself, my hands sliding down to his shoulders and clinging there in sheer relief. "Yeah?"

Now that his eyes were open... it must have been the reflection of the water, because they had _never_ seemed so bright a blue. It wasn't just the colour that held me captive, either. It was the way he was looking at me. He pressed his lips together emphatically and his gaze never once wavered. I could see it now - the love he had for me. Maybe I'd always seen it, and been too afraid - afraid of betraying Perry, afraid for my own safety at first - afraid of acknowledging it to myself. Then R leaned down, no trace of nervousness left now.

_You're about to kiss a zombie! _

_Yeah? He doesn't look so Dead to me. _I sneaked a last look at him, his eyes closing, his expression sweet and earnest, and wrapped my hands around the back of his neck to prove it to myself.

I stopped thinking the moment his lips touched mine. He kissed me like there was nothing else in the world. His lips on mine were soft but sure, a hand coming up to press against my back, and despite the coldness of the wind and the water I'd never felt so warm in all my life. I lost myself in feeling him against me, his lips moving against mine, his cheekbones under my fingertips, and by the time he slowly pulled away from the kiss, I knew I'd never get myself back.

I'd forgotten to breathe, drew in a deep one now, studying R's face as gazed back at me. I didn't care about the scars that I could still see tracing his face, the paleness of his skin revealed again now the water had washed away his disguise.

He was beautiful. He was _perfect_.

"Whoa." That brought that little smile of his back. In mutual agreement he dipped his head towards mine again, and I rose to meet him. Now he was confident, now he wrapped both arms around me and pulled me against him as he kissed me passionately. The forceful way he tugged his body against mine sent a thrill running through me. Every bit of love I'd seen in his face moments ago was in this kiss now.

I dimly felt him shivering, and reluctantly broke the kiss. I meant to say so many things to him. Tell him to get out of this freezing water, that now we were safe he had all the time in the world to kiss me anytime he wanted to. But his eyes caught me, captivated me, robbed me of my speech.

They changed colour. Right there with me watching, the last of the silvery grey swirled, shone brilliantly for a split second, then re-intensified as blue.

I was wrong - his eyes hadn't been bright before. They were now. Nobody ought to have eyes that blue, in the most beautiful shade I'd ever seen - if I hadn't already been falling in love with him, one look at the intensity and devotion in those blue, blue eyes would have done me in. I had never wanted to paint anybody in that moment quite as much as I did R.

I was completely captivated. It was while I was staring into his eyes and watching the small smile appear on his face that the bullet sounded, far too late to react to.

R reared back in the water with a look of astonishment, then clamped one hand high over his chest. I gasped, spun - and saw my father, gun raised, with a dozen armed men behind him.

"Next one's the head." He told R coldly. I moved in front of R at the same moment he ducked behind me, bobbing down in the water. My hand remained protectively on his arm. Dad's narrowed eyes went to me. "Move away from him, Julie."

_Not again. Not again! _For a second the same panic as earlier returned to me, the fear R was going to be shot. "No!" I lifted my hands up in a calming gesture, grasping for words. "Julie move, now!" Dad snapped.

"Dad - you have to listen to me!" I begged. "I know we lost everyone. I know you lost Mom. But you and me, we are still here. We can fix all this!" I could tell from the hardness of his face he wasn't listening. It only made me more frantic, more desperate to reach him somehow. Words poured out of me like the water rolling down my face. "We can start over - they need our help. Please Dad! Look at him!" I turned my head to R, low in the water behind me - couldn't they see how human he was? He was staring down at the hand that had been over his chest in disbelief.

"He's different! He's-" I stopped. Had I seen what I thought I had? I whipped back around, forgetting about the guns, forgetting about everyone. I placed my fingers against R's hand, which he held out to me as if asking me to explain what was happening. "-Bleeding..." I finished, stunned. Even as I watched, a great crimson cloud billowed into the water from the gunshot wound. I felt like I'd been shot instead. "He's _bleeding_! Dad!" He couldn't fail to see it now. It was right there in every announcement that he made before a salvage team left the city.

"_Corpses don't bleed_! Oh god-" I had never been so scared and so happy at once. "You're alive?" I whispered, looking at R's face. Hope was lighting up the new blue of his eyes. "Yeah." He breathed, nodding shakily, and laughter caught between glee and nerves escaped me. "He's alive!" I couldn't turn back to face all those guns, look into the face of a threat when something so incredible was happening. "You're alive!"

Behind us the men shifted, murmurs rising, Kevin's questioning tone among them. He'd seen R close-up, he knew Nora and I, had some measure of trust in us. However, I wasn't really able to concentrate on anything except the dark-haired, soaking wet man in front of me. I cradled his bloody hand, bracing my other palm on his uninjured shoulder to get a better look. "Does it hurt?" I held my breath. After a beat, an unfamiliar sound escaped R. He laughed. "Yeah."

"Sir?" Kevin spoke up. All of the guns were lowered now, and when I caught Kevin's eye, he smiled at me - a smile of relief. The guy Nora had dated _was _still in there, and our short list of allies had grown. He held his hand out, gesturing for us to come forwards. I led R cautiously, watching Dad. Slowly, he raised his radio.

"This is Grigio. The situation has changed."

I let go of R's hand so the soldiers could help him out. Once I was sure R was being looked after, I went to my father and gave him a hug, soaking clothes and all.

The situation had changed, all right. Now, we had hope. We had Dad, finally, on our side. "Let's get you two the hell out of here."

You two. _You two_.

I couldn't stay away from R. Once he was out of the water, Kevin began chatting earnestly at him, but I noticed the alarming way R leaned to one side. I quickly went to him, shooing Kevin away, then slid my shoulder under his arm and leaned into him gently, supporting some of his weight. He was still bleeding - we had to get him to a doctor. His eyelids were sliding closed then jerking rapidly back open, affording me glimpses of that shade of blue. I steered him towards Dad's jeep. He moved very sluggishly, and my worry began to increase. The bullet didn't look like it had hit anything vital - shoulder muscle predominantly - but who knew how R's body would react to it? What if his blood wasn't able to clot properly? I slid him into the seat, where he slumped, blinking. I leaned on his seat. "Be okay, R. I'm not losing you, too, understand?"

It was an obvious struggle for him to answer me, but he managed anyway. "I'll be.. okay." I stood up and kissed his lips, cold from the water, pulling back when Dad strode up. I got into the passenger seat beside Dad because it was obviously that's what he expected, but I kept a close watch on R. "Keep your hand over the wound. Apply pressure. We'll get you stitched up really soon, R."

My father looked in the rear-view mirror, then over at me. The tough lines around his eyes had softened. He hadn't looked so at ease since before Mom died. Without saying anything, he held out a hand to me, and I smiled as I accepted. He ruined the moment, naturally, by asking R if he was still bleeding.

No matter how much changed, some things would always be a constant. My father's suspicion was probably one of them, even if he'd thankfully gotten past the shoot-first stage.

R looked almost as nervous to be addressed civily as when Dad's words had been backed up by a gun. "Y-yes." I caught the stammer in his voice.

_Wonder if it's because Dad understandably scares the living daylights out of him or because he's still having trouble talking?_

Living _daylights? _

_Shuttup. _

_He's probably not going to be better all at once anyway. _

"Good." Dad responded, and I narrowed my eyes at him. "Sorry." Funny, he didn't sound it. I sent R and apologetic look. I wished I could explain that Dad was more bark than bite, but considering all the gun episodes I didn't know how successful that would be anyway.

"Dad, what happened with the Boneys that got into the city? Is everyone..."

"We've taken a few losses, but it could have been a lot worse. The skeletons have been confined to the stadium only, and the..." He eyed R for a moment. "The Corpses are helping us fight them off. With their extra numbers, it's only a matter of time before we secure the city."

I breathed a sigh of relief. R's big friend had come through for us, after all - and I wasn't wrong. It was all of them. Our dreams were within reach now. R didn't say anything, but despite the blood trickling down his front he wore a look of quiet pride.

The hospital was protected by armed guards, but I was relieved to see them. R's head had started to loll. The city's hospital had been set up in a former doctor's surgery since the hospital building itself was well outside the line of the wall. With the addition of an old office block for additional beds, it serviced our enclosed, limited population well as a functioning hospital.

R didn't make a move to climb out of the car once we'd stopped. Worried, I unclipped my seat belt and dashed around the jeep to R's door. I reached for his neck, feeling his pulse drumming softly against my fingers. It wasn't regular, though that, like his speech, could have been his body adjusting or a reaction to the bullet wound. "R?" My worry crept up a notch when he didn't reply. "R, please stay with me."

"I will. Julie." Each word tumbled out on a sigh.

"You promise?" I was trying to keep him talking, dimly registering my father, ordering people around as he called for a doctor and stretcher.

"Promise." I managed to get a grip on my emotions when he replied that. R kept his promises.

He passed out, but I monitored his heartbeat and his breathing for the minute or so until the stretcher arrived. It was, despite the gunshot wound, an amazing thing to comprehend. R had a _heartbeat_. R was_ breathing_.

"Miss Grigio. We're going to take him right through to surgery." The voice belonged to a doctor with dark brown hair and an open, if lined, face.

"I want to come." I responded on autopilot. He nodded, turning to help two buisnesslike nurses load R onto a stretcher. "Don't worry, Miss Grigio. He'll be fine. Come with us, I've got a few questions before we begin operating."

"Questions?" Once R was up on a trolley I reached for his hand. One of the nurses - a big, mean-looking one, honestly, food was being _rationed_, how did anyone get that overweight? - glared at me. I kept my fingers locked around R's anyway.

"Now, your father tells me - R used to be a Corpse?" I couldn't help but stare at the doctor. It wasn't what he'd said, but the earnest, matter of fact way he'd said it.

"Yeah... you... you're not..."

"Surprised? Not especially. I always hoped that we would find a cure one day. This is going to mean a great deal to so many people, Miss Grigio."

I reached out to touch his elbow so he looked at me, properly. "R means a great deal to _me_. Please... please say you'll look after him."

He smiled, and I really believed he would when he nodded. "Theatre's just up ahead. Can you tell me - how long has he been recovered? Has he eaten anything that you know of either before or after he changed?"

"A few days? As for food nothing since, but before..." I trialed off, unable to finish. But the doctor just waved a hand. "I understand. We're going to take him through now, wait out here and I'll send somebody to let you know what's happening as soon as possible."

The doors swung shut on R and the medical team, and I stared at them for several minutes before I drifted back to a chair and sat. Worry over R eclipsed any other thought in my head. Sure, the doctor sounded confident and competent, and he wasn't bothered by R's changing state. But how could anybody predict if R would be okay? What about all the old wounds I'd seen when R showered? Would they get infected? Were there still _other _bullets lodged inside him? I couldn't stay sitting and sprang up to pace the short corridor in and endless circuit. Dad came to find me, but he was awkward and obviously worried about the situation outside and I sent him to a radio-receptive part of the hospital grounds to organize some recon for stray Boneys. He told me that Nora was on her way, apparently Kevin having decided she wasn't required for any further questioning. When she arrived, she didn't say anything - just hugged me, paced along with me for a while, then drew me firmly to sit down before I even realized my damn boots had given me blisters. I drank the lukewarm black coffee she gave me automatically but I couldn't eat anything. I saw her sneak a packet of carbtien into my second cup. A nurse came out after two hours to confirm my fears that R had two more bullets inside him and they were going to remove them too, prolonging the original surgery.

Dad came back, spoke briefly to Nora and I - he was short with Nora - and reported that there were no longer any Boneys to be found in the city. The Corpses who had aided us were being bunked for the night in halls, headquarters and a factory only being half used, and some of them were starting to display more human attributes - eating, talking, reaching out to one another.

"You were right, Julie, and I'm sorry I didn't listen. I'm going to sent parties out to make contact with any further Corpses ready to make the change, and fight more Boneys. They'll be soldiers and our new allies in those parties." It was great news... I just wished R was here to listen. I sent Dad back to headquarters - he hated being inactive. I got that from him.

"I wonder how long it'll take to spread - the cure." Nora leaned back in the chair beside mine, pushing another coffee into my hands. "Do you think we'll ever get back to how we were?"

I knew she meant people as a whole, not the small group that I called family and friends. But still, I pictured her and me and Perry and Kevin a year ago. Perry still happy, without the burdens he'd carried right to his grave. Kevin more carefree and less of a twit, before he shouldered too much responsibly. Me... well, me naive, longing for a world beyond the wall without a thought to what the cost might be. And Nora... well, Nora never really changed. It was just one reason why I loved her.

"No, Nora. It won't be like it was. We'll do things differently. We'll be different." Nora held my hand, and we sat in silence, waiting for news.

"Miss Grigio? He's out of surgery. It all went well - come on, we've found him a room. This way." I bowed my head, half in relief and half because the exhaustion I was fighting was catching up with me. R, wheeled by on the trolley still out cold, was stitched up and still looked pale. I held his hand again, and after Nora pulled a chair for me into R's tiny room, I fell asleep holding it.

He didn't wake up the next day. Nora came again in the late afternoon and Dad dropped by with more progress reports. Nora suggested I get a nurse to check a purple-coloured bruise that had appeared on my arm but I waved her off. I didn't really feel any pain from my minor scrapes from the battle. Instead I fretted about R, obvious to the buzz of activity when nurses came and went. Still over-tired from yesterday, I fell asleep sometime in the evening, half in my chair with my upper body resting curled on the bed by R.

I didn't open my eyes once until I heard the knock at the door. I checked on R, who's hand was underneath my face as I lay propped up on his narrow bed. His chest rose and fell peacefully, but he didn't show any signs of waking. Nora must have left after I'd fallen asleep last night since it was just him and me.

A familiar face was standing on the other side of the door. "Julie." He greeted me, then smiled a rusty smile and held out his hand. "Didn't.. intro-duce. My name is... M. Or now it's... Marcus."

I reached out for Marcus's hand. He felt the same temperature as R had when I'd hugged him on my doorstep - not quite human-warmth yet, but getting there. "Marcus." I repeated, and there was pride in the way he squared his shoulders and nodded. "Come in and see R. He hasn't woken up yet."

Marcus peered at R and grunted. 'He looks... terrible." He snorted. I had a feeling Marcus and Nora would get on famously. "He okay?"

"He will be." I believed it, looking down at how peacefully R lay - sleeping, not passed out. Karl, his doctor, wasn't sure how long it would take his body to respond to surgery and anesthesia. He was the most advanced of the Corpses in the rejuvenation stage, so there was no precedent. Karl had warmed me it could take a while for him to take up, and told me multiple times not to worry.

_Don't worry, yeah right. It isn't his boyfriend lying in that hospital bed, potentially dying just as he got his chance to live. _

"Marcus, can I ask you something?" He turned his greyish eyes to me. "Did you know R... before?"

"Before... airport? No. R turned up... one day. Coul-dn't say how long, time... difficult." Marcus waved a hand a little stiffly. "Was always... a good, friend, loyal." He gave R's shoulder a clumsy pat. "Things are... better now, Julie. Thank you... for... giving him, a chance." He was serious, something I thought Marcus might not be too often. But I nodded, and even reached out to give his hand a quick squeeze. I hoped that R would wake up then, see the threads of co-operation spreading further than just him and me, but his eyes remained closed. Marcus told me he'd come back to visit soon.

As the morning faded into afternoon a nurse came in to check on R, assuring me that he was recovering really well and it was likely the fact he hadn't woken up yet was due to his body still adapting. The second nurse was grimmer and snapped single-word answers to my questions, vanishing out of the room rapidly. I made an impolite gesture after then, then turned back to R to ran my hand over his forehead, smoothing his unruly hair down. "I'm here, R. All the craby nurses in this hospital won't change that. Wake up soon." I pleaded. "You promised, remember?"

About an hour later, I thought I felt him stir. I snapped back to attention, my head lifted from the side of his hospital bed to scan him anxiously. He looked the same as before I'd dozed off - pale, faint scars, dark shadows under his eyes. "R?" I asked softly, standing up so I could see his face properly.

He shifted very slightly, then his eyes opened. Familiar but unfamiliar eyes. "Julie?" He asked hoarsely.

"R. You're awake, it's so good to see you." I was so happy see finally see him responding I couldn't stop grinning. It couldn't have fooled R that much, since he caught my hand weakly and blinked up at me. He never used to blink much as a Corpse - like the still surprising bright blue of his eyes, it was a welcome change. "You l- look tired." The concern in his voice touched me. Here he was, after being shot (not to mention coming back to life) and it was me he was worried about.

"I've been here for two days. You took a long time to recover after your surgery." I carefully brushed his collarbone, where a surgical bandage was visible.

"Surgery? They d-did surgery... on me?" He looked a bit lost and my worry returned full force. The effort it took him to speak, the tired lines around his face - he hardly looked any better than before he'd woken up. I think a childish part of me had wanted him to leap out of bed and sweep me off my feet, magically better again the way he'd shrugged off bullets when he'd been Dead. This bedridden, exhausted and injured R was a difficult concept to grasp. "They took the bullet out. You remember what happened, right?"

"Boneys, soldiers, fight-ing. The plane. Yyy-ou, mostly." He flashed me a smile, and that was what did it. I began to cry, alarming R. "Hey. Julie?" He reached for my face, and the way his fingers fit along my cheekbone calmed me slightly, assuring me that he wasn't going anywhere. "J-Julie? Tell me - what's - wrong?"

It took me several attempts and another gentle touch, like a nudge of encouragement, from R before I could answer him. "What's wrong is that you nearly died. You only just... just... you're alive now. You _have_ to stay that way."

"Ju-lie." His voice was stronger, even if it was shaky. "I'm not dying. I'm living. Because of you." It was impossible not to believe him, the words like a physical remedy of relief. "You restarted my heart. It's yours. If..." He froze for a moment, looking almost as scared as me the past few days. "If you want it."

If I wanted it?! I made a half-tackle onto his bed, as best I could without landing on top of him and hurting him, and hugged him. "You're such a cheeseball. _Yes_." He hugged me back and we kissed briefly, a sweet little echo of the passion from the fountain. R wrapped his long arms around me, shifting over as best he could to make room for me on his tiny little bed. Having to lie pressed up against him wasn't something I was about to argue, though I was careful not to put any weight on him.

"Are you okay?" I thought it was another comment on my tired looks - I could have used some of Nora's makeup about now - but R had found the bruise Nora had commented on yesterday. "A few bumps from our impromptu wrestling match with the Boneys. Don't try to make me out to be the hurt one, you have the bullet wound." I put my head on his good shoulder. For a while he was quiet, and I wondered if he'd gone back to sleep, since I couldn't see his face from here. Then he posed a question. "Nora? M?"

I propped my elbow on his pillow so I could see him as I replied. "Both okay. Nora was here last night, and Marcus this morning. He remembered his name on his way here." R gave a small, tired smile at that.

"He's close to coming back to life, too, according to the doctors. Nora got locked up for the rest of the night for threatening Dad, but Kevin let her out in the morning. To be honest, I was kinda glad it kept her out of trouble that night. Dad opened the city to the Corpses, though that term doesn't really fit anymore, who helped us fight off the Boneys. He's led two trips already out into the Dead Zone to fight off the Boneys and find more almost-Living."

R began to nod off a while after I finished explaining. I enjoyed the simple happiness I got from watching him, cute and sleepyheaded, even opening his mouth in a small yawn. "Hey Julie? I think... I'm tired."

"That's not surprising. Go to sleep, R. I'll be here." I stroked his cheek and pressed a kiss to his forehead. "Promise."

His head slumped down against mine, so that I could feel the light touch of his breath on my face. My tense muscles had relaxed, finally, my mind at peace. My eyes closed, and in the few seconds before I fell asleep I reveled in the sensation of R at my side, his heartbeat steady against my elbow.

_You could wake up and find all this is a dream_, the unwanted cynic in my head informed me.

_No. I might need him, but the world needs _us_. There's so much more we have to do. _

_How can you be so sure? _

_Because there are some things in life that you just know. Now shuttup. I'm going to sleep - and just you see. R will be there when I wake up._

* * *

**A/N - Thanks so much for all your reviews everybody! We've only got one last chapter of this fanfic, and then I'm on to 'Next to Me' and don't worry - I'll begin writing it straight away. **

**I have another question for you all, hopefully some of you are American or know a bit more about the country and its cities - this is where my Aussie upbringing is falling short. Where exactly do you think Warm Bodies is set? I figure it has to be somewhere American, because both Nick and Teresa do American accents. I know it was filmed in Montreal, but I get the feeling it isn't **_**set**_** there - not just because of the accents, but Jonathan Levine specifically mentioned that ariel shots of the city in the movie were digitally altered so it wasn't an exact carbon copy of Montreal. Why do that if you were making the setting Montreal? **

**-Cough- You all know by now I get carried away. Thoughts appreciated! **


	11. Safe

R got bored of the hospital rapidly. I wondered if it was because with new strength flooding back into his veins he wanted to see what he could do now, or if it were just that he missed his plane and the way he'd lived his life. We got permission from his doctor to go out into the hospital gardens for an hour - I should have known that with those big blue eyes that R would try to charm me with the most winning set of puppy-dog eyes you'd ever set eyes on. Nora visited again, and sitting with R on one side, his face lifted to the breeze, and Nora enthusing over how attractive she thought R's doctor was felt like the most natural place in the world.

"That makes you look like a hungry zombie again." Nora poked fun at R, never happy unless she was teasing someone. I smacked at her. "Nora! Leave him alone!"

She laughed. "I was just kidding, you know. You look a lot... not better, because you didn't look bad when you were a Corpse... but you are nicer now."

R looked a little started, but he cleared his throat. "Th-thanks Nora." He looked around the dusty little yard, then his attention returned. "Actually Nora, I need to thank you f-for something else. Standing up to J-Julie's... father for me."

He wouldn't have done that before... reached out, offered thanks. It filled me with happiness to see two of the most important people in my life getting along.

"Don't mention it, R. I already owed you one, you saved my best friend. I'd be bored without her." I swatted aside Nora's friendly punch with the ease of practice. "Still, you came through for us, Nora." I pointed out. "Thanks."

"It was mainly for me. I wouldn't have met Hottie Doctor Karl if I hadn't. Do you guys think he has a girlfriend? He wasn't wearing a ring."

Yep. Nora never changed - which she proved as she left by way of hopping over the fence, after remidning me about my class and mentioning the kids missed me.

"You teach kids?" R turned his head towards me, the bemused expression at Nora's way of exiting the hospital giving way to curiousity. It was a good look for him, though by this stage I was probably more than a bit biased.

"Yeah, second grade, although normal classes only run in the mornings now. They get taught basic survival skills and stuff useful to salvage teams in the afternoon, by some of the trained soldiers. I love the kids at that age, they're all still so hopeful and honest and full of life, they haven't learned that life isn't one big adventure yet. I joined the salvage team for the holidays, to... well, to keep an eye on Perry."

It felt right to talk about him now - his memory the unspoken link between us. Not that I didn't miss him, but as R had changed from he and I meeting, so had I. The Julie who had met and fallen in love with Perry at fifteen was different from today's Julie, who had fallen for R.

"Julie, when I... when I k...illed him, I got some of his memories. Sometimes, it was almost like he was still with me, looking out for me - or y-you, more likely. This probably sounds crazy." R looked extremely uncomfortable talking about Perry. I held his hand a little more tightly to let him know he didn't have to apologize anymore.

"After what we went through together R, nothing sounds crazy. I don't blame you, you know that, right? There's been a theory about Corpses gaining memories that way for a few years now, although nobody knew for sure." Nora and I had thought it sounded crazy when we first talked over that particular theory. Funny how perceptions changed with time and experience. "I know that isn't why you saved me in the lab, either. I saw you staring at me before you ever attacked anyone. I thought at the time I must have looked like somebody you used to know when you were Living."

"No, that was just you." It came out so clearly it made my heart skip over a beat. "You started ch-anging me right away, the first moment I s-saw you. Perry helped me... it wasn't like..." He stopped, struggling now - I gave him time, not prompting him, letting him undergo the still unfamiliar task of putting his thoughts to spoken words. "When I... got his memories, it wasn't like I turned into him, o-or everything he felt, I felt. But when I understood how he... felt... about you... and everything you'd done for him, it began to aff-ect me. Open up my heart again."

So Perry, true to form, had continued even after dying to do what was right by me.

"Without Perry though, I couldn't have done it. He t-taught me as much as you. I felt like he'd br...ough you to me. I even thought I heard him talking to me, when I came into the c-city to find you. He was showing m, me the way. And- he t-told me not to blame myself, because he was 'ready to go'." R hung his head. But he hadn't told me anything that I didn't already know. Nora had said as much to me as well, and I knew that Perry's life and R's were connected. Perry had died so that R could keep hold of some of that former bright thread that had once shone through Perry's life.

"He was." I told R, thinking about Kevin's saying Perry wanted the most dangerous of the salvages, the one nobody else would take. "I could see it in him. He gave up right after his dad died. I tried so many times to help him, and get through to him, but nothing worked. That's why I went on the salvage, and convinced Nora to come as well. I knew that if it came down to it, he would stop fighting. I thought that I-"

_That you could save him. That you could fight for him. _

_Keep him safe. _

R looked grief-stricken and his lips parted, but I held up a hand to stop him before he spoke. "No R, no more saying sorry. Thinking about Perry does make me sad, and I miss him a lot. But I don't wish that things were different. Dying was what Perry wanted, and Living was what you wanted. It's like... it was meant to play out like this. I'm happy I knew Perry, and that I was with him. But I'm happy that I met you too, and that I'm with you now. My past, and my future."

R let out a shaky breath. "You... you r-really want t-to, be w-with me?" He looked more scared of my answer than of an entire Boney hoard. I didn't hesitate as I picked up his hand to kiss the back of it. I didn't _have_ to hesitate.

"Yes, R, I absolutely want to be with you. But will you promise me something?"

His response came just as rapidly. No hesitation either. "Anything."

"You're going to go through a lot, and we've only taken tiny steps today. I want you to promise that you'll always talk to me, like you did today - even if you think it's something that will be hard for me to hear, or it's embarrassing, or you think it's too silly. Because that's what Perry stopped doing, he shut down, and wouldn't talk to me or anyone else, and I knew I was losing him. I don't want to go through that again. I want to be there for you."

He ducked his head a little so he was on eye level with me. "I promise. I'll n-never stop trying, for you."

He needed a kiss for that. Once I started I didn't want to let him go... for somebody who's first kiss had occurred a matter of days ago he was awfully good at it.

"Our hour is up. I'd better get you back inside before one of those mean nurses comes hunting you down." I sighed, standing and holding my hands out to pull him up. He was heavier than I expected. Off-balance, he dipped his head to me, just not to look into my eyes this time. That kiss was even sweeter. I couldn't remember him reaching out to me physically before now, at least not so wholly. I did recall the time on his plane when he'd place his hand first on his heart, then on mine.

Having R kiss me was like tasting the cure itself. Maybe we were. I couldn't help but get carried away. It was impossible when R was kissing me to remember that he was meant to be taking it easy, that we were new to one another. The long lines of his body matched up with mine so perfectly despite our height difference. His hair was so soft under my hands, running through his hair and along his neck, feeling the rapid pulse under my fingertips. I could feel R's confidence growing each time I kissed him. It was so difficult not to kiss him over and over, dammit.

He pulled back first, and seeing his face wide-eyed and short of breath made me grin.

"Sneaky kiss, Shrugger. Better tone it down a bit though, or we're going to wind up with an audience. Besides, you're not in any condition for anything that should take place behind closed doors anyway. Come on, inside." I put my arm around his waist. Compliant for now at least - he went along with me, leaning in towards me even though I fully suspected he could walk straight, and probably without my help.

With R safely back in bed in his dreary little room, I picked up a packet of potato crisps Nora had brought in. R tried his puppy-dog look again, but I didn't mind overmuch when he ate half the pack. He was eating, and that was worth any number of rarely-tasted snack foods. Dad came to see us as well, reducing R to a nervous wreck. Which was fully understandably since he had, after all, shot R last time they'd met. After Dad slipped in a very subtle reminder about me going back to work next week, he got around to letting slip why he'd really come.

"I'm leading out Squad Three tomorrow morning, and we're headed to the outskirts, so I'll be gone just over a fortnight. I've come to escort you home tonight, leave your friend to get some rest now."

He spoke with the assurance that his orders would be followed without question. I however, was not one of his soldiers. The worry that flashed over R's face was enough to assure me that I'd made the right choice. "No, I'm staying here until R is discharged." I told Dad, simply and matter-of-factly.

"Julie, don't be-"

"I said _no_, Dad. I'm sorry, but R needs me, and you're only going to spend half the night going over your plans anyway." I got up to say goodbye to him. He had only himself to blame for my stubborn streak. It was his, too. "Have a safe trip, okay? We'll see you when you get back."

The sooner he accepted that R and I were a package deal, the better.

"All right." He would have grumbled, if he ever grumbled. On his way out the door, he mentioned finding R a place to stay with the Rossos. R asked me if that was Kevin's family.

"Yeah, he and his father are Dad's right-hand men. They're nice people, even if Kevin can be an uptight idiot sometimes. Don't worry about staying with them though. The moment you're allowed out of here, I'm taking you back to my place where I can keep an eye on you." I tried to smooth his ever-unruly hair.

"Really?" Damn, hopeful looked beautiful on R.

"Really. Mrs Rosso is a sweetheart, I'll warn her not to bother making up a bed for you. She and her husband would never tell on us, and Kevin will keep his mouth shut because I'll sic Nora onto him otherwise."

_On second thought... Kev might not come out alive in that scenario. _

"You... r-really want me there?" R looked almost as nervous as when Dad had been in the room. I remembered the way he'd sat guard each night I slept on his plane, the way I'd waited at his bedside the past few days. I sat down on his bed. "Of course, R. I've gotten kinda used to having you around, and it'd be especially weird to spend a night apart. That's why I asked you to stay in the bedroom that night in the suburbs."

"M would make a j-joke about me staying overnight." The small delights of R and an in-joke that would only make sense to us, the way a stranger wouldn't understand a joke about Nora's string of boyfriends.

"Yeah, he probably would. Good thing you're so much more mature than him, huh?" He laughed with me.

_New favourite sound._

I pressed in closer to hug him gently, careful of his bandages. His body felt a little stiff, tension in his arms and torso. I hastened to reassure him.

"I could listen to you laughing forever. But seriously, R, don't worry. That's not an invitation to jump into bed with me as soon as you're able. We don't need to rush anything physical, it'll take time. Both of us."

"Time." R agreed with me, looking as if he was on the fence in between impatience and relief. "I - I'm glad I'll b-be staying with you. Don't wa-nt another new place."

I tucked myself more comfortably against his body, letting an arm cross his middle, and was almost ready to doze off when he softly spoke. "Hey Julie?"

"Mmm?"

"Thank you."

When we woke up it was to a nurse who scolded us soundly and delivered a lecture on hosptial beds not being intended for more than one person. She did have a carbtien bar for R though, which reminded me of my own hunger. Guess it would have been too much to expect that Crabby Nurse was going to provide me a meal as well.

"R, I'm going to go freshen up and maybe see about finding something to eat myself. I'll be back soon okay?"

The nurse almost growled at me. "Good. "It isn't even visiting hours. You, start eating that carbtien." She ordered imperiously, and I lifted my middle finger at her ample rear end. R burst into laughter and tried to turn it into a coughing fit, making me laugh silently as I shot out the door.

The hospital cafeteria was a pretty sad affair but I did manage to scavenge something slightly edible to go with a packet of powered carbtien.

_They're probably growing the stuff outside. _

_Without carbtien the whole city would be shanking one another for anything remotely edible. _

_Yeah well, it still tastes like a mangled shoe. _

There was a tiny TV set mounted on the wall, and surprise surprise, Dad was onscreen. Must have been per-recorded since I knew he would have left to lead out his team by now. I secretly think he might have liked to be an actor, before the world fell apart. He certainly liked the attention well enough. But for once, his message didn't depress me. He was talking about expanding the city, after putting out a call-to-arms for volunteers to sweep the surrounding areas, clearing out the remaining Boneys and rescuing more of the former-Dead. There were programs being put in place for survivors to re-unite with their friends and family who'd been infected.

A pair of nurses eating an equally unappetizing meal at the table beside mine - apparently this small kitchen served as cafeteria to staff, patient and visitor alike - were discussing Dad's broadcast. "Shane says they're talking about getting rid of the wall."

"Really? How soon?"

"Not right away, they have to make sure it's safe first, that there's enough of us to defend against any of those awful Boneys."

Of all the news that I'd heard, that gave me the most hope. I left for R's room feeling uplifted, a smile on my face. On my way I met Karl, looking as tired as ever - had he gone home overnight and returned or just kept working? I made a mental note to see if Nora could do a few training shifts here. This place was severely understaffed and Nora would be a hell of a lot more compassionate a nurse than Madame Crankypants back in R's room.

"Julie, your young friend is recovering wonderfully. I honestly didn't expect it, given what his body has gone through, but he's healing up well."

"When can he come home?" I wanted him out of this cramped little hospital. Karl smiled at my eager tone. "As soon as I've a free moment I'll come and give him a last check, but I'd say he'll be fine to leave today, if you keep him nice and quiet."

I couldn't wait to give R the news, trying to picture his expression. It was difficult - I wasn't used to the expanding range of emotion he had begun to display.

After Karl have R the all-clear, we headed out to walk home. I didn't really mind, though I worried about R and hovered, supporting him with a hand under his shoulderblade. He seemed much more at ease than I was, at least until a passing pair of young men glared suspiciously at him, nudging one another and muttering about the 'Corpse' in our midst. R must have heard it too, since his posture drooped. "Don't listen to those asshats, R." I told him. "Narrow-minded idiots like that are always going to have a problem with people they think are different to them - weather because they're a different skin colour or they're gay or they worship a different god. Come on, let's sit down here and rest for a bit."

He sat obligingly down beside me on a stack of boxes beside one of the cow's enclosures. I leaned back against a building and let my gaze wander, keeping my sense of hearing focused on R and his slightly heavier than normal breathing. The Wall was one of the first things I spotted.

"I hate that wall. I know it's kept us safe, but it also kept us trapped. Stuck in its shadow, everyone got grimmer, somehow. Do you think it'll really be able to come down someday, R?"

He got a look of concentration as if he could actual see into the future. It wouldn't have bothered me if he said he could, I would have believed him. "Yes. We won't always need it." He decided. I smiled, then curled up against his side. He was more comfortable than the building, warm to touch now - from the afternoon sun or because he was getting normal body heat back? The urge to be in physical contact with him never seemed to let up anymore. I remembered going through a similiar stage with Perry when our relationship was new, except that had been tempered with the awkwardness of getting to know one another. It wasn't the same with R. We'd been through too much to be uncomfortable with one another.

R's head lolled, cheek resting on the top of my head. The sun was probably making him sleepy - it was me - but I kept my eyes open, not quite alert when the first few people paused close by. When a half-dozen more joined them I startled back to full consciousness, and R jumped beside me. There had to be almost twenty people staring at us with a mix of expressions - confused, hostile, wary, outright afraid.

"Excuse me - are you the one who used to be-" A woman began to ask as he stood up, and I moved across to stand just in front of R, eying the crowd. "He used to be a Corpse, yes. But we've just come from the hospital, and he's Cured now."

At my forceful words, the crowd began to murmur, turn to one another restlessly. R stiffened up behind me, drew closer so that he bumped against my shoulder. When I turned to look at him it took only a glance to know that he was scared, the unsettled crowd infecting him with thier own doubts. It was my world he'd come into to get me, my world that seemed unfamiliar to him now. R needed me to show him that it was his world, too. He held out his hand, reaching out to me. Alongside the nerves, I saw something else in his expression. _Need._ It was just as obvious, now, as his worry. He'd reached the same conclusion that I had. He needed _me_.

The crowd, staring at our joined hands, gradually fell silent. Completely silent, staring down at our joined hands - not one of them had anything to say. When I took a step towards them, leading R, they moved back, then parted. I guided R through, feeling my own heart beat harder, even though I hadn't been scared myself.

"Sorry R." I told him once we were safely by the crowd, my house just a block ahead. "I should have known that people would be curious. They shouldn't have been so overwhelming about it, though. People have been stuck behind this wall so long, they've... well. Not everyone tries as hard as they should."

"Hey Julie?"

"Yeah?"

"When it happens, we'll watch the wall come down together."

My heart melted a little. How could anybody resist? I hugged him, and he hugged me back, and we promised.

Inside, the house overlarge and quiet with Dad gone, I left R on the couch and fetched us some of the leftover soup Nora and I had made. He watched me try it first, then picked up his own spoon dubiously, sniffing the soup before he put it in his mouth, almost making me inhale mine as I laughed at his expression.

"Be-tter than carbtien." He admitted, and took a second spoonful. He didn't eat much, and I could tell by the freuqnency of his blinking that he was sleepy. I took his bowl, returning to the kitchen to save the leftovers again. When I came back, his head had slumped against the couch back and his eyes were closed. I really should have woken him to move him to an actual bed, but he looked comfortable and so, so peaceful. I sat beside him, checking that his breathing was even, that the patch of bandage on his shoulder showed no signs of bleeding. It was dusk and the temperature was dropping, so I pulled a blanket over us both and just sat, the serenity of the moment stealing over me. I'd be asleep myself soon and probably wake with a sore neck from sleeping cramped on the couch, but I couldn't bring myself to care.

_Better enjoy the peace while it lasts. _

_You know what? I will. _

* * *

**A/N Well! This has been an awfully fun story to write considering my original focus was going to stay on R. I'm so glad now I did write this one, I feel much between equipped for the future now. I hope you guys all enjoyed my version of Julie, I hope I did her justice in your eyes. You've encouraged me, brainstormed with me, left me review after review to boost my spirits, and I thank you. Big kudos to Bones and Brigid who reviewed every single chapter without fail, Jusea who is always honest and refreshing, and Aynessa who always finds the positive points - and everyone else who has taken time out to leave me their thoughts. **

**Vid, my dear friend, you haven't stopped being an inspiration, if you're still reading I'm sure you spotted that in this chap :)**

**Okay guys, the first chapter of Next to Me, set after the movie, is up now. Set your filters to 'M' rating if you can't see it and please join me for the next chapter of Julie and R's lives. I have so many ideas and so many pieces written already, I'm excited for this one! **


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